Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 26 February 2012

image for My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 26th February 2012 Another medication to take!

Selected Senior Moments suffered by a Nottingham Senior Citizen. In the hopes of raising a laugh at them, and making them easier to live with.

Sunday 19th February 2012 PM

* Poured orange juice into tea instead of milk.

Monday 20th February 2012

* Yet again caught talking to pigeons as I fed them, this time by a member of the street cleansing crew, who gave me a puzzled and contemptuous glare.

Tuesday 21st February 2012

* Getting things and myself ready for my walk to the Queens Medical Centre to have my Warfarin INR levels checked, I was taking off my long-johns, lost me balance, hopped around on one leg trying to regain me balance, clouted me arthritic knee against the toilet, fell against the bath, and tumbled over into it, reaching out to stop myself and failing as I knocked the painful growths on both hands, and clouted me forehead on a tap. All me gear, mouthwash, shaving foam, deodorants, bath salts, Impetigo cream, pain-gel, antiseptic, etc tumbling noisily to the floor as I knocked them off the shelf.

As this was at about 0300hrs in the morning, I anticipate having some explaining to do to my next door neighbour later.

* Set off on me 90 minute walk to the hospital in plenty of time, witnessed RTA. (Further details on this weeks Nottingham News) Arrived at QMC and had blood tests done almost immediately, and was out in no time! Jumped on bus, and was put off by the driver, because it was too early for me bus pass to start!

* Walked into town to get some bread and bird seed for the pigeons. Got into town, got me birdseed from the 99p shop, caught the bus home. Realised I'd not got me bread.

Wednesday 22nd February 2012

* 0400hrs: Searched for me hearing aids - still looking as of now!

* Went out to feed me pigeons - remembering not to talk to them! - one shat on me!

* Left the bloody heater on in the bathroom all day - Oh God how I fear the electricity bill coming!

* 1900hrs: Found hearing aids in bathroom.

* Nodded off, burnt pan of veg stew.

Thursday 23rd February 2012

* Went to the Doctors's surgery to have me biopsy lesion looked at. I took me coat off, and noticed, or felt that everyone was looking at me. I checked I'd got me trousers on, the flies were zipped up, that I'd not got me slippers on instead of me shoes... all okay... was it my imagination? Saw the nurse, and trotted off home.

* Decided to have a 40 minute walk to town, then catch the bus from there, out to Morrison's, to get me bread and cheap vegetables. As I was changing into me old trousers... I noticed the price tag hanging off the back of other trousers I'd gone to the surgery in!

* Got me stuff from Morrison's, and as I was boarding the bus to get back to town - an almighty painful eruption of wind from me rear nearly blew me over! The bus driver actually asked if I was alright, then clapped!

* Walked home from town, and realised I'd left the immersion heater on... shit!

* I then started to make a cuppa... and swore again as I dropped it. Made another cuppa.

* Put some oven chips in the oven, then updated this Senior Moments for half an hour, then went to see how the chips were cooking in the Not Turned On Oven! Then turned it on!

I hope that tomorrow is not so 'Moment Ridden!', especially with the QMC biopsy visit in the afternoon!

Friday 24th February 2012

* Up early again - try to get some Spoofing done, before I plan the day ahead at the hospital and shopping... Wash, shave, togs on, remember to take Warfarin record sheet, Lyton's advice email for the doctor, cardiac attendance book, bus pass to get me home, Hearing aid batteries, hearing aids, medications, crossword book, pen, reading glasses, umbrella, tissues, and welt cream. See I was trying to adopt a logical approach today!)

* Fell asleep - had to rush around getting things ready.

* Called in library on the way, and took out a book to read for when I got there. Got to the QMC in plenty of time (1420hrs for 1525hrs appointment), got a bleeper issued for when they were ready, and read about half the bloomin' book before it went off at 1655hrs! - then I was put in a corridor with some other sufferers, and sat there until 1720hrs, before being called in. I gave the Doctor a copy of Lynton's email advice first thing: He said it had been tested for that and came back negative. But they still do not know what the cause is. He prescribed some Trental release tablets, and gave me some more cream for the unknown affliction on my fingers, toes, and face. He arranged for me to go back on the 8th March, to attend a 'Dose' of Dermatologists panels questions to decide what the next step to be taken is?

Then I waited at the pharmacy patiently for the the medications. When I got into town to catch the second bus home, the police and an ambulance were already attending the fighting youths in the slab square.

* Got home to find I'd left the heater on yet a bloody-again!!!

Saturday 25th February 2012

* Spoof Down! Mind lost! Gobble-di-gook adopted!

Sunday 26th February 2012

* Spoof Down from 0400hrs to 0820hrs - Mind lost! Gobble-di-gook continued!

* Made a cuppa with cold water - wot a Burk!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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