I was privileged to be granted the first interview with Fuller, Great-Great-Great-Grandson of the famous Sitting Bull with captured German squaw Helga Schitt.
"I am Fuller Bull-Schitt, and I am standing for all Native Americans against the established 2 party race of Republicans and Democrats. My party is the Association of Native Amerind Leagues. (ANAL) he proclaimed. "I am going to make this country great again for the indigenous people."
"How!" screamed his acolytes.
"I'll tell you how!" Fuller continued, "First, we will stop all immigration and begin to send people back to there countries of origin. Back to Europe, back to Africa, back to wherever their forefathers came from."
"If Mexicans can prove that they are descendants of Mayan or Aztec or Puebla or any of our brothers in Central America - they can stay. Taino, Lucayan, Arawack or Caribs from the islands can stay too."
"No more will we be called Indians - we are not from India, we are the true aboriginals of this land that was once beautiful and unspoilt. We will come out of the reservations and the buffalo will run free on the plains again!"
"Whoop, Whoop, Whoop." his friends cheer.
He passed me a pipe of peace, it was good shit!
"We will take back Canada for the First Nations - our brothers the Inuits and Metis, and the whole of this continent will become the United States of Redskins. But that is our one and only foreign policy; after we have Canada, the rest of the world can go to the great spirit in the sky and leave us in peace."
"I am Fuller Bull-Schitt and I mean what I say!"
I thank the Lord that my Grandmother was half Chippewa-Cree, or I think I'd now be looking to buy a toupee!