Written by Inchcock
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Thursday, 9 February 2012

image for Nottingham residents asked: Will you be celebrating Charles Dickens Birthday? May Dythisyear

A survey was carried out yesterday, in Nottingham's City Centre. by Woodstock Appraisals Ltd's assessor Tim Burr, on behalf of the Nottingham branch of the Charles Dickens Appreciation Society, funded by the City Council's Education Spokesman Oliver Dickens.

Nottingham's City Centre visitors were each asked:
Will you be celebrating Charles Dickens Birthday?

Here is a selection of the survey results:

Name: Anass Rhamma (36)
Occupation: Manicurist
Reply: "Ooh, I don't know my lovely, what do you think?"

Name: Ali Bye (66))
Occupation: Unemployed OAP
Reply: "A? oh yer, I liked him better thun 'Arold Lloyd I did"

Name: Dwayne Pipe (19)
Occupation: Unemployed rioter
Reply: "Wot team do 'e play fer?"

Name: Zulqarnain Bahawalanzai (35)
Occupation: Taxi Driver
Reply: None given, just received a look of puzzlement

Name: Aleksandar Saviconovich (31)
Occupation: Unemployed mugger
Reply: "Mucho inadeed"

Name: Abdul Hussain (44)
Occupation: Allergist-Immunologist Doctor
Reply: "Indeed I will, I intend to read 'Bleak House' again. He was a literary genius, before his time"

Name: Wayne Elvis George Best Ogden (16)
Occupation: Trainee Benefit Seeker
Reply: "Yerwhat?"

Name: Laura Norder (24)
Occupation: Police Officer
Reply: "Ah, now I realise why I've just been called to the central library cause they have had eleven books stolen this morning, must be Dicken's, I'll have to go, cheers"

Name: Stan Still (25)
Occupation: Unemployed wicker bottom chair repairer
Reply: "Is it 'is bothday? I'll nick one of 'is books frum WH Smiths then, fanks fer tellin' mi!"

Name: Tyron Shulaces (12)
Occupation: School vandal
Reply: "Sod off yer sad old git... go on...fu.."

Name: Willie Stroker (51)
Occupation: Unemployed flasher
Reply: "Well I've got some of his films on DVD, if you like his stuff I could take you home and show you some of his foibles dearie? Yes? No? (Blew kiss)"

Name: Attilio Lukaku (21)
Occupation: Occupy Nottingham Movement Drug Controller
Reply: "Yer man... Poland for the Ukrainians.. got any weed?... pickled toadstools are more valuable than oil in Nigeria... on Thurdnesday I hope to if not before..!"

Name: Warren Peace (36)
Occupation: Sole Lib-Dem member of the Labour dominated Nottingham Council
Reply: "Oh, how nice to have someone actually talk to me, er.. well not really, I'm putting all my spare time into apologising to Lib-Dem voters for Nick Clegg joining the Tories!"

Name: May Dythisyear(86)
Occupation: Impecunious Senior Citizen
Reply: "Oh, no midduck, it not help mi pay mi gas bill will it? Un mi arthurumitis is chronic innit"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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