Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 5 February 2012

image for Problems Caused by the Severe Weather in Nottingham Benefit Claimant on His way to the Nottingham City Centre Job Centre Plus Offices

Problems caused by the severe weather in Nottingham.

* People having difficulties accessing the shops in the City Centre:
This is having a serious effect on the economy for retailers and Big Issue sellers in Nottingham's City Centre.
"Luckily 25% of them are already closed down and abandoned anyway!"

* Police Stations getting snowed in:
Making the enforcement of the law and protection of the innocent very problematical for the few remaining police officers in Nottingham.
"On the bright side, the snow will make it a little harder for the rioters to burn down the police stations?"

*Hospital Appointments for the Elderley:
Elderly hospital patients will have a devil of a job to get to their cardiac appointments etc
"Still, the doctors might not be able to get there either - and a funeral is still cheaper than another year of expensive drugs and operations? Best not to let Cameron know about this!"

* Refuse Collections:
I don't know if you've noticed, but the 'Bin-men' always seem to get through, and still only miss one out of three bins to empty.
"Hero's? Perhaps they enjoy scraping the lorry against parked cars as it slides on the ice? (Mind you, they do that in good weather)"

* Pedestrian Accidents Falls etc.:
As everywhere in the country, pedestrians will slip on the ice, fall over, trip over, get knocked over, and fall down drunkenly down in this weather.
The shoplifters fleeing from stores, mugging victims trying to escape, twits going out to feed the pigeons, and arthritis sufferers will suffer injuries in the snow and ice of Nottingham.

* Parking Attendants:
Without doubt these dedicated personages will get through to work, and patrol the car free snow covered streets.
Of course there will only be delivery vehicles available for them to ticket, and many of them have Exempt Vehicle signs to use. This may of course bring on depression, and bottom lip protruding from the operatives, and withdrawal symptoms. They might like to give a sick pensioner a lift to the hospital as they attend for phychiatric treatment... or maybe not?

* Occupy Nottingham City Centre protesters:
A new area that will suffer in the freezing conditions. This weather will test their metal.
They are protesting on behalf of the proletariat - so why not take then some bovril, scarves, umbrellas, wooly hats or marijuana on your next visit to the Benefits office?

* Job-Centre Plus Offices
There may be a dip in work attendances due to the weather, with staff not being able to travel to the offices in the snow.
But rest assured, the claimants will get through to the offices in their 4x4's, on foot, or skateboard.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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