Written by Inchcock
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 4 February 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E 4th February 2012 - with comments Crime is rife in Nottingham, as elsewhere in the UK

31st January 2012: Man accused of killing couple is found hanged in prison cell
Category: Crime
Link: This is Nottingham: - Murderer found hanging in cell
A Lithuanian man accused of murdering a policeman's parents was found hanged in his prison cell, an inquest has heard.

Rimvydas Liorancas was pronounced dead at the scene.

"Good!"

1st February 2012: Help group for Polish immigrants lands £299k lottery grant!
Category: Immigration - Economy
Link: Grant for Polish immigrants
A Radford, Nottingham-based project to help Polish people integrate into the community has been given a £299,952 grant.

Signpost to Polish Success (SPS), based at Tennyson Hall, in Forest Road West, received the money from the Big Lottery Fund.

"Oh, I am pleased for them!"

2nd February 2012: Ten jailed over sham Nottingham marriagess
Category: Crime
Link: This is Nottingham - Sham Marriages
29-year-old Nottingham woman Olajumoke Ikoyi, Ringleader Phillips Onikoyi, Dutchman Ramsley De Kaster and a Nigerian woman, Folfolashade Ladapo, a 22-year-old Nigerian Isaac Onikoyi, Olushola Oshingbade, Wensley Quirindongo, Ediselle Barrimond, 26, Ulrich Toppenberg, 41, Charlton Macaay, 29, and Shamazaira Castillo, 26, were arrested. Three other Dutch nationals were deported.

More arrests are expected.

"Dutch and Nigerian eh.. no more Edam cheese for me then!"

3rd February 2012: Man charged over armed robbery of Nuthall store
Category: Crime
Link: This is Nottingham - Armed Robbery
Daniel Adam Keith Lawrence (24), of Beckley Road, is accused of robbing the convenience store in Ash Crescent on January 22nd and taking a quantity of cash.

"Can't find any results of the court case, but Ill keep looking"

4th February 2012: Masked raiders of Nottingham's PoundWorld store terrorised employees
Category: Crime
Link: This is Nottingham - Two females attacked in Pound World Shop attack
Two women who were attacked and bound by masked robbers have spoken of their ordeal.

Sandra Whitehouse and Natalie La Fonde were closing the PoundWorld store at Sneinton's Lady Bay Retail Park when two men burst through the back door.

Natalie was sitting in the canteen when they came at her from behind. They forced her to her knees and tied her hands with cable ties before pushing her to the office, where Sandra was cashing up.

When Sandra refused their first demand for keys to the safe, they hit her on the head and tied her wrists, then ripped the keys from her pocket.

Both women were forced to lie on the warehouse floor while the men emptied the safe.

"Such violence in persuit of crime in Nottingham is getting too frequent. What would you like to do about it?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

80 readers are online right now!

Go to top