Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 1 February 2012

image for Groundhogs Seek New Careers One groundhog is into books -- and more books!

They've just about had it, with looking for their shadows. "And it's a once-a-year gig," complained a groundhog who wishes to remain anonymous. "What are we supposed to do for the other 364 days of the year?"

An informal survey revealed a variety of career paths now followed by the industrious rodents.

One groundhog who has recently signed a contract with a famous weight-loss chain, had this to say about his new job, "For the most part, groundhogs are known as the FAT rodents. I'd like to change that."

Some are searching for jobs in the entertainment industry -- so far with little success. "Movies like Groundhog Day (1993) just don't come along that often," said one rodent, thumbing through the latest edition of Variety and adjusting his large-framed, movie-star style eyeglasses. "But ya never know."

Lawn care is another career possibility. Having ruined a lot of lawns, groundhogs are in an excellent position to know how to fend off other pesty creatures. They are selling their services on a basic theory: "Takes one to know one."

Some are pursuing careers as wordsmiths. One little groundhog said his first project is compiling a book of quotes about the seasons of the year. He's chosen his first two entries, Robert Byrne's "Winter is nature's way of saying, Up yours." And the contribution of Robin Williams: Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!"

Sounds good. I'll buy it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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