Written by Abel Rodriguez

Print this

Friday, 27 January 2012

Political Facebook

Ron Paul: Okay Mitt, so when are you and Captain Kangaroo Gingrich gonna come on down to Texas and take me up on my offer of that 25-mile bike ride?
9:03 a.m.

Mitt Romney: Ron, I have no plans of doing such a thing. And besides I do not even own a bike.
9:07 a.m.

Ron Paul: That's not a problem Mitty old boy. You can use my wife's bike. It's pink but hell, I'm pretty sure that you're quite secure in your manhood huh?
9:13 a.m.

Newt Gingrich: Good morning gentlemen. And Ron, I have asked you not to refer to me as Captain Kangaroo, it is liable to stick.
9:19 a.m.

Mitt Romney: It's too late Captain. It already has.
9:24 a.m.

Ron Paul: Hey, Gingrich, I really think that it's high time that you grew some and stop being such a damn wuss. I swear you're getting to sound more and more like that crybaby John Boehner everyday.
9:28 a.m.

John Boehner: And Mr. Paul, you're sounding more and more like Donald "The Hairdo From Hell" Trump.
9:32 a.m.

Ron Paul: Now, now Johnny - sonny boy is that any way for a crybaby to be talking. Shouldn't you be saying stuff like waaah, goo-goo, ga-ga, and mommy I need to go potty?
9:37 a.m.

John Boehner: Ron why are you [SOBBING] so darn mean? Can't you see that I have a crying condition [SOBBING] and that it's being treated for with medicines, exercises, diet, and hypnotism?
9:43 a.m.

Newt Gingrich: Oh come off it Granny Teardrops. Why don't you just get back to your speaker of the house job. Nobody wants to listen to a whining little twit like you.
9:50 a.m.

Mitt Romney: Yeah Boehner. Nancy Pelosi was right. She does have some bigger ones than you do.
9:54 a.m.

President Obama: Mornin' y'all. Now that's what I be talkin' about. Y'all keep it up. And let me be clear on this. You boys just keep on kickin' each other in y'alls pee-pees and pretty soon y'all will all turn into male versions of Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann and Sarah "Reindeer Ovaries" Palin. Second term - here I come.
9:58 a.m.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top