Written by Inchcock
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 26 January 2012

image for How did I ever find time for work? Beckoning new abode

Pensioner Al Bidedsoon, sent this letter to the JCP (Jobcentre plus) offices, explaining why he was not currently seeking employment.

Dear Sir or Madam or Combination of both or either person,

In reply to your letter asking me to supply the reason for my not having applied for a job for 5 months:

Apart from the frustration of getting no interviews to my 208 applications sent off in the previous six months:

My heart went into failure, and I had to have a Aorta valve replacement operation, and could not physically do any work for three months.

In the mornings I have to take/apply my medications:
* Trental, Furosemide, Lactulose, Bisopropol (beta-blockers), Omeprazole, Paracetomol, Codeine Phosphrate, & Rampiril, for my heart condition and Angina.
* Betamethane valerate, Cobetasol Propionate for my Impetigo, Chilblains, and another as yet undiagnosed skin disorder.
* The Phorpain, and Ibuprofen gel for my Arthritis in the knees and hands.
* Lansoprazole for my duodenal ulcer.

During the day I have to take/apply my medications:
Paracetomol, Codeine Phosphrate, Betamethane valerate, Cobetasol Propionate for my Impetigo, Chilblains, and another as yet undiagnosed skin disorder.
* The Phorpain, and Ibuprofen gel for my Arthritis in the knees and hands.
* Lansoprazole for my duodenal ulcer.

In the evenings I have to take/apply my medications:
*Warfarin, Simvastin, Rampiril, Furosemide, Lactulose, Trental, Paracetomol, Codeine Phosphrate, taken for my heart condition and Angina.
* The Betamethane valerate, Cobetasol Propionate for my Impetigo, Chilblains, and another as yet undiagnosed skin disorder.
* The Phorpain, and Ibuprofen gel for my Arthritis in the knees and hands.
* Lansoprazole for my duodenal ulcer.
* Apply the Naproxen healing cream to my Sternum wounds.

Every Tuesday (sometimes more frequently according to levels found) I have to attend Blood Clinic to have Warfarin INR levels tested.

Taking into account the time and care needed to prepare these doses - in addition I have the following tasks to carry out each morning/evening:
* Fighting to get my Long Johns on and off. (Painful and dangerous at times when one or both of the knees give out) painful due to the as yet undiagnosed skin disorder causing the vesication growths on my hands and fingers.
* Remembering where I left my hearing aids, and de-coking them of wax, cleaning, blowing through and reassembling tubes and ear-pieces, with very painful fingers due to the vesications on my hands and fingers.
* Remembering where I left my medium and long range lensed glasses, and making sure my reading glasses are to hand if needed.
* Feeding the pigeons.
* Making sure I've not left on any taps, heaters, cooker, computer, or lights.
* It takes me 15 minutes to get out of the bath.
* I still have a tendency to drop off asleep at all times. (Which as I explained on 12 Nov last year, was the reason I was late for out last appointment).
* I have begged, pleaded, and searched for employment for so long now, with total failure, I've had enough, sod you all!

Al Bidedsoon (64)
15 Muggers Paradise Street
Fire Bombed Road
Depressedville
Nottingham.

Will be moving abode shortly. (See picture above)

Plot 254
Condom Ridden Cemetery
Pimps Avenue
Rioters Street
Nottingham.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

55 readers are online right now!

Go to top