Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 24 January 2012

image for Bad Romance: So What's the Skinny? When the heart is broken.........

Given the assignment to write about the subject of Bad Romance, spoof reporter Gail Farrelly grabbed her trusty tape recorder and set out to collect the opinions of a number of experts in the field. A meticulous researcher, Farrelly went to the ends of the earth and beyond to get the whole scoop.

Here are her findings -- expressed in direct quotes from the interviewees, who were asked: What are your thoughts on the subject of Bad Romance?

Entertainer Lady Gaga: "Bad Romance? Hey, that's the name of one of my songs. What right does The Spoof have to steal MY title, tell people to write stories about it, and then -- worst of all -- make a stupid little tag with it? So demeaning. This is an outrage. A pox on the House of Spoof."

Annie Oakley, sharpshooter, nodding her head back and forth in disgust: "Listen up ladies, one more time. You can't get a man with a gun."

John Boehner, Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, whipping a handkerchief out of his pocket: "I can't tell you without crying."

TV personality and lifestyle expert Martha Stewart, pounding a huge cut of beef into submission: "Bad romance? It is NOT a good thing."

Entrepreneur Donald Trump: "Guys, when the relationship has run its course, just dump her by saying You're Fired. But don't forget to tell her to have a nice day."

Cupid, god of love: "No comment at this time. Check back after Valentine's Day."

Tim Gunn, mentor on TV show Project Runway: "Oh, for Pete's sake. What you think of as a bad romance may not be THAT bad. Make it work."

Newt Gingrich, thrice-married U.S. presidential candidate and former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, sighing heavily: "Here we go again. Same old, same old."

The Pope: "I know nothing about romance, good OR bad. However, I DO know about sex, birth control, celibacy, marriage, mortal sin and damnation. Peace be with you. Arrivederci."

Venus, goddess of love: "Go away. Do you want me to lose my job?"

Dr. Ruth Westheimer, 83-year-old sex therapist, reporting with a wink and a smile: "My advice about a bad romance? As the late lyricist Dorothy Fields wrote in one of her songs, Pick yourself up; dust yourself off; start all over again."

Exactly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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