We asked the Nottingham firm of Tymoshchuck, Kuzmanovic, & Mulumbu, Real-Time-Poll-Assessors, if they would do a poll in Nottingham, to find out just what the people think of David Cameron.
The branch manager, Branislav Pavlyuchenko, agreed, as long as his polster's could carry out the canvassing in disguise. we agreed.
We said we would like the question asked:
'What do you think of Cameron now things are taking effect?'
Two weeks later, we have the results. Here are a few selected responses.
Mr I Hoggit (23)
Mr Ali Bye (38)
"Absolutely stunning performance as our premier, whittling out the scroungers and layabouts, benefit cuts are essential for the country. His apanthropinisation is heart-warming, and an example of what is needed to us all."
Mr F Anniliker (56)
Unemployed Candle-wick trimmer)
"Things are taking effect? Oh you mean her new tits! Great stuff, a bit young fir mi, but I fink she is gorgeous! The polster informed Mr Anniliker that the question was referring to David Cameron, not Cameron Diaz. "Oh that git, load of **llocks!"
Juanita Cuddlesome (27)
"'e 'as destaroid my beezaniss, the menfolk can no longer afforda my survices regalulary, I may hava to go elsaware, or changa my career. Woulda you lika to be tended to my deari?"
Inchcock Chambers (65)
The interviewer didn't actually get around to finding out what the gentleman's employment status was.
"His action got me made redundant through no fault of me own when the company had to cut back to survive, then me 'eart went into failure, un I 'ad to wait ages for the operashiun, nar I'm on mi way tu the parned shop instead of a propa shop tu get me cheep food - the man ain't interested in the slubberdegullion, sick, poor, uneducated, or ordinary woking man, he's a nepotist, an Etonite with bar, a git, a snob, a liar, a cheat, a parasite on humanity, a scum-bag, shithead, un greedy wiv it!
He don't care fur nobody but his sen and his wealf.
He's a typical superiority sufferer, like Stalin un 'itler wus."
'Ow the can say thus a God when shit like 'im are being produced by spoon int mouth parents, un gerrin' made prime Minister is beyon mi!"
"An the Doc 'as put mi on cheaper medicatiuns that don't wok as well, nar I'm in pain agen!"
"'e sends ar troops off to die for his oil shares us well!"
"His cut-backs in polise un soldiers as bin noffin but atrosious un crippled morale everywhere!
"I'd like to see him..."
At this stage the interviewer fell asleep.