Written by Clive Danton
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The world of sex therapy was stunned last night after a London man claimed to have ended years of sexual frustration and misery after accidently tuning into BBC Radio4 at 12.50 on Dec 12 of last year and listening to The Shipping Forecast being read by Weatherman Darren Betts.

Daniel Walters 47 of Bermondsey, South London made the astonishing claim that despite being impotent for 30 years he has now made his girlfriend pregnant and on top of that has been giving the woman next door a regular scuttling at weekends and puts the whole thing down to regular 10 minute sessions twice a day listening to maritime weather reports from around The British Isles.

"It's been an absolute godsend! he said flicking through a copy of Razzle. "I hadn't had a touch of the horn since I was 17 and I saw that tasty blonde sort out of The Benny Hill Show climbing up a ladder in stockings and suspenders. Now I'm stiff as a bastard board morning noon and night and it's all down to The Shipping Forecast on BBC Radio 4. I cant thank them enough to be fair."

Mr Walters then went on to recall how meteorological conditions at sea first had a profound effect on his love life. "It was a Sunday morning a couple of weeks before Christmas and I'd spent a sleepless night wracked with self loathing after yet another fruitless attempt to give Mrs Walters the good news. The World Service announcer then said the fateful words that were to change my life inexorably "We are now handing over to BBC Radio 4. The shipping forecast will follow shortly.

"To my amazement I felt a stirring in my loins as Darren Bent described a deepening low and poor visibility over Tyne, Dogger and The German Bight and then by the time he got to the forecast for inland waters around the British Isles I was fully tumescent and almost on the point of disgracing myself over the wife's nightie.

"I'm not ashamed to admit that when he announced that the winds around Malen Head, Cromarty and North Utsera were backing force 9 with squally showers imminent in Biscay and Wight I became so inflamed that I took Mrs Walters with the kind of ferocity that she hadn't encountered since I got back from the drinker pissed as a sack in June 1973 and caught her doing the ironing in her dressing gown. Since then I haven't look back and give the missus her just desserts at least twice daily. Sadly I have to wake her up at 12.50am and again at 5.20am to sort her out but she takes it all in good part mostly."

Mr Walters was last night reported to have been remanded in custody after committing a lewd act through Met Office legend Bill Giles' letterbox.


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