Written by JSwift
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Monday, 2 January 2012

This time of the year many people come up with a list of New Year's resolutions, and this is a list that we have come across from the President, enjoy:

Win the 2012 Presidential Election.

Convince all the voters that voted for change 4 years ago that this time that's not a good idea.

Convince voters that in the last 4 years in the White House I've managed to do more than rack up 5 trillion dollars of government debt on bank bailouts effectively increasing total debt levels by 50%.

Illustrate to Americans that even though the Democrats are dancing on the graves of Liberty and the US Constitution, if it were the Republicans in power instead they would be throwing a kegger.

Keep Hillary in line as to not cause a repeat of 2008.

Come up with a new catchy campaign slogan to ensnare the minds of the young and causeless, something along the lines of "Change, not this time!"

To have as many affairs as Herman Cain, and as many wives as Newt Gingrich (sorry Michelle).

To be loved by the main stream media in the same way that they seem to hate Ron Paul.

To quietly give large sums of money to Christians who think that Mitt Romney isn't one.

To take Crony Capitalism to new heights, and always remember that approval ratings didn't matter for the Bush Administration, why should they matter now?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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