WASHINGTON DC - The President has calmed the Chinese military who had been ready to attack the United States, as previously reported
Our mole in the White House communications room has intercepted this diplomatic communication, addressed to the Chinese Communist Chairmen:
Sorry, I did not mean to call my dog something that was so offensive. Must be the diet soda I had been drinking. I would never harm a communist. I think my actions have shown that I only have a propensity for harming capitalism, as it is our biggest threat today. Too few people have too much money. Or something like that. You know what I mean. You guys do communism bettor that we do. We are trying to catch up. Please be patient. We are getting there. Most CEO's want me to hurry up the process. They are tired of paying for health care and overtime.
Hey, after all, most of my administration are communist. By the way, if you have any tips about what I can do about the elections, sort of like fix them, let me know how you guys do it.