Written by Inchcock
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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

image for William Hague's Ode to Christmas The lower classes can have crisps, Asda cola & plumb duff

I've much to be glad for, like my personal assistants Julian and Lucien,
Ffion the Mrs, and Wilberforce, my cosmetic beautician,
My overseas investments in Germany, Saudi Arabia and the Aleutian,
And the fact that I'm a billionaire politician!

Now Christmas approaches, time to share and give to the poor,
That's what they say, but I think that idea is a bore,
The proletariat masses, drunken, greedy, ever wanting more,
Have to buy their presents from the Poundshop or Primark Store!

The masses accuse the Government and me,
Of lying about the increasing of VAT,
Well it was essential, cannot they see?
To pay for riot control, and the JCP! (Job Centre Plus)

I have to dine on venison, champagne and Caviare stuff,
The lower classes can have crisps, Asda cola & plumb duff,
The old and the sick should still get enough,
I do not know why the poor are getting into such a huff!

Christmas really is a time for all of us to share,
Hard for the unemployed, as they have no cash there,
There's no jobs to be had, if I was to be honest and fair,
Honest and fair? more chance of my buying a pink brassiere!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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