Written by Miko
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Sunday, 11 December 2011

image for British Crop Circles

Crop circles have blighted the British landscape for hundreds of years and there is NO DOUBT whatsoever that although many are obviously put there by hoaxters a tiny minority of them are obviously made by God (or at least by one of his buddies).

Okay my guess is that you're thinking that my theory probably holds no weight whatsoever but I don't know you and you don't know me so let us leave it at that shall we! I'm sorry but I don't want to rub you up the wrong way at this early juncture but if I may be so bold my pet hate is people that make an uneducated judgment on someone or some thing based on a quick sneak peek of there offerings so to speak without delving deep deep down into the nitty-gritty.

Anyway we digress..

For almost three decades I have studied crop circles at home and abroad and during my studies I have devised an ingenious way of deciphering the messages that crop circles portray. Below is the decoding system I used in an attempt to decode many of the crop circles that I studied. It's not rocket science but please bear with me.

Circles: Represent the letter 'A'
Squares: Represent the letter 'B'
Triangles: Represent the letter 'P'
Inverted Chevrons: Represent the letter 'P'
Octagons: Represent the letter 'T'
Celtic crosses: Represent the letter 'M'

Unfortunately that's about as far as I got with my deciphering method. I don't wish to give a sob story but I lost my job last year, suffered bouts of depression and wasn't up to much I'm afraid but we have all got our cross to bear but anyway, using a process of elimination below are some of the messages that God wrote, encrypted within a few select crop circles.

YOU DO NOT OWN THE FREEHOLD OF EARTH

TWO MACCYD'S AND CHIPS PLEASE

JESUS IT'S COLD HERE

That is as far as I got but I think everyone will agree it is intriguing to say the least. I hope to do some further studying next year if I can be bothered and will report back as to my findings asap.

Best..

Professor Denzyl Z Bleepmantle

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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