Please join me each day as I reveal the words and phrases guaranteed to keep you single for a whole year. Sourced directly from the world's finest internet dating profiles, Your Daily Flexicon is the essential guide for the online dater, or indeed anyone who has a thing for typos, malapropisms and plane baad speling.
This might get your attention:
"I'm a beautiful bursty brunette."
If you're a guy, you're probably thinking, 'I could go for that. What's the catch?'
Romantic First Date Turns To Tragedy
A young man watched in horror as his date, a beautiful bursty brunette, exploded right out of her low-cut top. The couple, who met on an internet dating site, were enjoying a candle-lit dinner when the woman suddenly detonated, spraying body tissues and entrails all over their Italian feast.
"It was terrible," said the traumatised man. "I couldn't finish my fettuccine. She was all mixed up in the marinara sauce."
I don't blame him. If anything's going to give you food poisoning it's the marinara sauce.