On Monday, what may be the biggest political conspiracy in recent times began playing out for all of America's viewing pleasure. Democrats and Republicans have decided the best way to put an end to Occupy Wall Street is to manufacture an affair.
The common goal is to divert attention from the nagging protest so participants can be addressed, and subsequently removed. As a result, Americans have been introduced to out of work Liza Minnelli look alike, Ginger White. She was allegedly hired by Warren Buffet to cry "affair" against White House hopeful Herman Cain.
This is not the first time both political parties came together and used a presidential hopeful as their scapegoat. The first example of this can be seen when Sarah Palin was selected as John McCain's running mate back in 2006, guaranteeing Obama the win.
When it was asked why Cain was chosen, and not a more public player in the 2012 elections, a white house informant stated, "We drew straws and he got the short one. Someone had to lose." Cain has been in the dark about the whole affair conspiracy, since he did not take place in the alleged "straw drawing". He is currently working on damage control.
When asked his thoughts, Bill Clinton just smiled and said, "I'm sure he did not have sexual relations with that woman."
It seems like Clinton's publicity adviser has not been replaced yet. It's good to see someone has job security in this economy. Mitt Romney, Michelle Bachmann, and Newt Gingrich were unavailable for comment. It is being speculated that they are planning on riding this out in their vacation homes, thankful for the break from campaigning.
Now that America is once again concerned with the extramarital affairs of another politician, no one is concerned with the Occupy Wall Street protestors. There has been a massive nationwide round up of all supporters on Monday evening.
Everyone who has searched, emailed, or read anything pro-Occupy Wall Street has been taken to an unknown location while the story was breaking. Fortunately, the protestors were not employed at the time of the round up, hence productivity in America will not be affected.
The main question seems to be, why did this happen to deter attention from Occupy Wall Street and not during the deficit crisis or when Oprah while "retiring"?
Most working Americans had stopped paying attention to the protest months ago, citing work requirements and financial obligations as the reason. Though the exact intention is yet unknown, one thing is certain. Wall Street will now be occupied solely by bankers and tourists. All seems right in this capitalistic society once again.