It seems like only yesterday that the American Dream promised you could be anyone, do anything, and go anywhere without fear and with full freedom. But all that has changed. Here's a list developed by the US Department of Expectations detailing the Top 10 Signs The American Dream Is Over:
1. Instead of freshly ground pepper on your salad, you get industrial-strength pepper spray in your face.
2. The Treasury Department is replacing the dollar bill with the dollar IOU.
3. You're using your Ford Explorer as a master bedroom.
4. Tipping is encouraged at airport security.
5. The Police Athletic League wants to use your head for batting practice.
6. They find a cure for cancer, but only Donald Trump can afford it.
7. Mickey Bloomberg is named Mayor of Disneyland.
8. Rick Perry suddenly remembers that he's too dumb to be president, but gets elected anyway.
9. Schools replace "No Child Left Behind" with "Mandatory Mandarin."
10. You can't get fries with that.