Written by Jeff Brone
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Friday, 11 November 2011

1. If your wife keeps turning up the thermostat, start collecting guns, just to let her know you mean business.

2. You remember that guy that never wore a heavy coat and said he was always comfortable. He died of pneumonia.

3. In the depression people burned their homes' inside doors for warmth. Luckily that could never happen again.

4. You can turn off your refrigerator if you go on an "all jerky" diet.

5. Long hair and a beard actually provides extra warmth for your head and neck. Oh yeah, and so does a tie dyed shirt. Stupid hippie.

6. Put the heat in your home on a timer, running it only when someone complains bitterly.

7. Install solar panels to produce electricity from sunlight. Then sell the electricity to pay for the solar panels. It's a "win-win" for everyone!

8. Use a hand held can opener. They're harder to use, but after a while you'll just give up and go to Mcdonald's.

9. Electric blankets focus the heat where you need it most. Same goes for electric underwear.

10. If you learn how to slow down your heartbeat like those eastern mystics, you can really freak people out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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