Written by Matt Brown
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Thursday, 10 November 2011

image for We Remember Them - Gorm Grimly We pray this will NEVER happen

Story told by Gorm's best chum Wombleworry Worters.

It was always great to see old Gorm laughing at things with a tank-full of gigolos, and then gnawing on them should they respond in kind. I am sure he didn't hardly realise how truly loved he was by his fellow inmates, everyday we'd give him a caring clout and a timely trip whenever he truly got too big for his booters. Yes, everyone really felt something inside for Gormo and he will be missed sorely. Just to add howevever that there will be no sympathy and some resentment on the part of stubbo, but I suppose that just goes to prove the owld saying 'stubbo is a bastard'.

But Gorm was a funny old man being 17 and all! I can still recount the time when he would find his overall coat trapped in the industrial whizz-crack machine. Crikey, that day he was sent home like a right gloomer with his tail between his legs and a good rollocking from bossy boots. When he got home his children asked why he was in such a way but Gorm just laughed the children off.

During his final days the sound of air whistling through the remaining moles and kingsizers in his mouth kept us all company while we waited for the inevitable lasting breath ,and before he died he wrote a note with what little strength he had left in his body. It read ''To my colleagues, please remember to remember me on specials occassions such as Morecambe and Wise, the chef's and D-Day. Your pal Gummy.

Today, we keep Gorm in a nice neat box on the top shelf and the box is sealed should he ever grab a chance to jump out and do a runner. The box is observed and reminisced over at designated times of the day and all observations are carried out meticulously as per instructions.

It is sad that he should have to die in such an unspecified, and ambiguously cruel manner but such is life. I am sure Gorm would have said the same if he'd have been around to say it today. He is survived by all who are living.

Good Luck Gorm

Next week - Alfred Poser

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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