Written by Sailbad the Sinner
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Tags: Florida

Saturday, 5 November 2011

I just spent six quality hours cleaning our dryer vent of lint accumulated over more than four years' use here in Southwest Florida. Yes, the vent tubes can and do get clogged with this white, fluffy stuff.

Ours goes straight up to the roof, about thirty feet, and it has a trap on the roof to keep birds, insects and rain out. (No cold white stuff here!) The challenge is how do you clean this bad-boy?

What I did is take a 25-foot piece of flexible water tubing (plenty in the construction dumpsters around here) and fitted one end of the tube into the head of one of those cobweb dusters. I drilled a hole in the handle of the duster and threaded a small rope thru it. Then I pushed the duster up the vent to the roof, and pulled it back down with the rope. I repeated this a few times. Lots of lint fell down the tube. The Shop-Vac was busy!

Then I found I had succeeded in pushing a big wad of lint right up to the trap door on the roof. So I hooked my 3.5 hp leaf blower to the flexible dryer hose (used towels for gaskets) and fired it up. A big whump told me the plug had shot straight out the roof vent!

Well, I blew white lint in a massive cloud all over the house and down wind several blocks. Neighbors from Minnesota and Michigan were dancing in the street. Snowball fights erupted. Steve, from Indiana, tried to make a snowman. Channel 2 sent out a news team. Cars were slipping and sliding all over the roads. The Weather Channel had some guy named Roy, dressed in a yellow slicker, leaning into the lint-laden wind to give his nationwide report. The party lasted all weekend!

Then we had to find some way of removing this stuff. Well, we are not well equipped with snow shovels or snowplows. But we do have a lot of lawn service people with leaf blowers, so these were mobilized in a huge community effort, and all the lint was blown south to Key West, where it has been variously described as an invasion of African locusts or loose belly-button lint left over from Fantasy Week. But our dryer vent is now clean and pristine. I am satisfied with another home-job well done.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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