Written by armfeetandtoe

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Tags: grave

Saturday, 29 October 2011

image for Grave Diggers Monthly Gazette Spot the Mound of Earth competition


And welcome to another edition of our fun pack magazine.

Last month, Mr E. Winter from Devon, wrote to the Editor complaining about the sniggering from two of our members while burying his wife.

I have spoken to those involved and they explained that Mr Winters wife had died of Leprosy, and while lowering the open coffin into the hole, her nose fell off. They tried to carry on, but dropped the box, and when they looked, her ears had fallen off as well. I have apologised to Mr Winter.

This months Golden Spade goes to Harold Blot from the Bolton Cemetery for digging the grave of 52 stone Mr Ardle Yeldon. As a precaution, Harold coated the sides of the hole with margarine from his sandwiches. Dedication.

Spelforth Cremetorium and Cemetery secretary, Mrs Edna Numby, has asked me to point out to members, that the furnaces are not for frying eggs and bacon or doing toast.

Families of the deceased are complaining about the smell.

This years Christmas party will be held at the Grimshaw Brothers Funeral home. Can I please stress to all members, NOT, to interfere with the deceased. After last years party, the family of a deceased love one came to view the body. When the lid was lifted, the deceased had a carrot up his nose, a cocktail sausage sticking out of his zipper, and his eyebrows had been singed.

Finally, The "Spot the mound of earth" competition has closed and the results will be read out at the Christmas bash. The prize will be a weeks digging in the Welsh Horeb Chapel in Mirtha.

See you next month.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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