Written by Pointer
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Sunday, 21 January 2007

Imagine spending ten years in prison for murder and then because of DNA testing you find out you didn't do it!I bet you'd be relieved! Well, that's how I, John Wayne Fresno felt this week when this exact thing happened to me.

Here I was sittin' behind bars for the rest of my life and they call me down to the warden's office and tell me I can go free. I said:'Shoot,warden , where's the camera? I thought for sure I was on Candid Camera or something.

Even when he showed me there was no camera, I just could not believe it. Of course Warden Lockman is known for his practical jokes so you can't blame me. One time that ole devil told me I couldn't go to my own mother's funeral and the old lady wasn't even sick! Shit ! I was so mad about not being able to pay my respects to momma-I mean, she wasn't a great mother considering all the beatin's and abandoning me at ten but heck it's your mama,know what I mean?

Then that sly devil flashed his tobacco-stained teeth-man, does that guy have an ugly set a' choppers-all brown and shit-yuck! Anyway he done smile at me and say April Fool. Well,I thought this was the same thing but it weren't...I was really free to go!

Just out of curiosity I asked the warden if I didn't do it who did. That ole dog just stared back at me for a long time. Finally he said you mean you knew you did it all along and I said well in those days livin' in Dallas county I was more drunk than I was sober and when the police showed up at my door one morning and told me I kilt some guy I thought well I don't remember most of this week so maybe I did.

Then when they told me that being named John Wayne was a dead give away I did remember how alot a murderers and violent individuals and even that one poor soul who got his pecker cut off-God that must a hurt, imagine wakin'up with no pecker just some bloody stump - then that so and so throught the damn thing out the car window and don't you know it that JW whatever actually found it and became a porn star!

Well, warden bought my story and next April Fool's I may just tell him that I switched the DNA sample when that technician was busy looking at the tits of that guard Geraldine, Man, that woman has a bigger stack than the pancake tower at Momma's diner and that sucker is huge!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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