Funny story: Confessions of a Spam Filter

Confessions of a Spam Filter

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Sometimes I'm bored and don't do my job right. I'm guilty of the following bad deeds: -- Just to foul up the works, I often grab up some non-spam emails and refuse to let them out of my clutches. I enjoy the confusion, scheduling conflicts, and pandemonium that results. Yes! -- My computer owner is obnoxious and full of himself, so last week I let a lo...
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Ferguson Officer Unwittingly Admits His True Motive Behind Killing Unarmed Teen

In a Channel 5 investigative report with journalist Jim Rosenthal, the Ferguson Caucasian police officer, who allegedly shot an unarmed African American teen to death in August, unwittingly admitted his true motive behind shooting the teen. Rosenthal asked the officer the following question, "Is it possible that the suspect could not drop his gun simply because he did not have a gun?" to which...
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Fun facts about cremation

I'm thinking about getting cremated. Well, not today. I think I'll wait until I'm dead. But here's a little fun fact about cremation: You can have your ashes mailed to a loved one. I don't think so. My ashes would get lost in the mail and I would have to file a missing ash report. Hold on, Cousin Willie, I know what you're thinking. You would replace the letter h in the word ash with th...
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Funny story: History's Misquotes Come to Light

History's Misquotes Come to Light

Washington, DC In a history convention held in the nation's capitol, many facts came to light regarding some of history's most famous quotes. For instance, John Paul Jones did say "Don't Give up the Ship!" but he added the line, "Sell it Instead!" When Patrick Henry said "Give me liberty or give me death," history misplaced the part where he said, "On second thought, just give me liberty."...
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Funny story: Nopology: Or, How to Retract a Racist Remark by a Republican

Nopology: Or, How to Retract a Racist Remark by a Republican

It came out on Facebook this week, at the website Addicting Information, that a Republican, Rusty DePass, replied to a post made on Facebook in 2009 by someone named Trey Walker. Walker's post was, "Just heard there is a gorilla loose at Riverbanks Zoo. Staff and visitors hiding. Full lockdown. Wow." Rusty Depass, a GOP activist and former chairman of the state elections commission in South Ca...
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Shock Discovery by Dawkins, Pinker: It's All Socially Constructed

A group of prominent evolutionary scientists, once previously fiercely opposed to the po-mo pretensions of well-tenured intellectuals, have now been suitably chastened by a recent scandalous discovery. Yes… time, gravity and even cheesy Doritos are actually social constructed™ after all. Kein Scheisse Scherlock, it's the Absolute Truth! Genial and witty project leader Professor Richard...
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Medical Marijuana Is Antidote to Ebola Virus Says Elated Scientist

It was dark and stormy when we entered the laboratory of Professor X. Centric. But you would never have known it upon entering the upbeat scientists place of work: clouds of incense greeted us in a room lit by black light. Authentic Day-Glo posters from the 1960s lit up the entryway as we came upon the professor administering Ebola virus antidote to himself. The professor, who had personally no...
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Funny story: 2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points: 1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration. 2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...
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Breaking News...

North Korea's Internet Loss Traced to Black Site

NK's Web blackout attributed to deft CIA work at offshore installation. An incensed Sen D. Feinstein tried to dispatch AttyGen Holder to ferret it out,but Holder was outofpocket at Susan Rice's site.
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Funny story: Ask Dr. Billingsgate

Ask Dr. Billingsgate

BILLINGSGATE POST: This new feature represents all that is bad about question and answer journalism. However, I feel there is a need to answer some questions from notables, such as those below, in order to satisfy the prurient interests of my readers. Dear Dr. Billingsgate, I read with interest your story about the woman who crazy glued her unfaithful husband's testicles to the bed frame to...
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Funny story: CAPTCHA Revelation: I Call the Shots

CAPTCHA Revelation: I Call the Shots

I'm so lucky to be a CAPTCHA program. Y'know one of those little thingies that won't let you operate on a website unless you prove that you're human. I absolutely LOVE my job. The irony of the situation tickles me. Love it, love it, love it -- that a human has to communicate with a machine in order to prove his or her humanity. LOL! Most of the time I do my gatekeeper job diligently. But eve...
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Funny story: What The Buck?!? The Root Of All Evildoers, As Otherwise Added Up Accordingly Before Being Even More Unofficially Rearranged (Keep The Change)

What The Buck?!? The Root Of All Evildoers, As Otherwise Added Up Accordingly Before Being Even More Unofficially Rearranged (Keep The Change)

AMMANBEINGAMMAN, Jordan - Sure, according to a significant amount of strategic unnamed sources (typically those without any sort of sufficiently accumulated sooner or later go-to funds, hopefully designated for any and all doomsday styled rainy days hell bent on impolitely presenting themselves, via whichever suddenly well past-due timeframe quickly proves to be dramatically necessary, and/or, ju...
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Funny story: Bashar Assad Writes Thank You Letter to United States, Britain and Turkey

Bashar Assad Writes Thank You Letter to United States, Britain and Turkey

Today the White House released a letter that arrived a few days ago, and after clearing a mysterious white powder from the envelope, the enclosed apparent letter from Bashar Assad was found: Dear Mostly Finks and Bastards, I want to send my heart felt (or maybe it was just gas) warmest thanks for helping us with I-SIS. Here to fore I thought you bastards didn't like me for some reason. Oh I...
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Funny story: Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a 'library' and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and guarded haven for this treasure of peace whether it be in Bangladesh or the heart of Manhattan. There entities known as "librarians" would covet and protect this preci...
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Funny story: "Well Connected" Getting Rave Reviews

"Well Connected" Getting Rave Reviews

Ari Alterman has added yet another blockbuster movie to his long string of successes in a career spanning twenty-five years. "Well Connected" that has a strong magical theme has a sterling cast with Clint Eastwood taking a small role with Beyonce. It is produced by Ari Alterman, directed by Lilith Alterman and sees the acting debut of Judith Alterman. The script was written by son Zac under...
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Funny story: Experience pleasure

Experience pleasure

Everything that exists in the universe is a part of nature, and therefore can be explained by material causes. Consequently, it would be misinformation to resort to supernatural, spiritual or paranormal cause to explain natural phenomena. According to Wikipedia, euphoria is a 'medically recognized mental and emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feelings of well-being, elati...
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Funny story: Overheard in a Staten Island Grand Jury Room

Overheard in a Staten Island Grand Jury Room

Almost New York - The judge in the Eric Gardner police brutality case put a lid on the release of evidence and souvenir transcripts used by the grand jury to reach its mystifying decision. Good thing we had our judicial fly on the wall to listen in on juror comments. Here are some of their choice remarks: "I'm glad I live on an island." "If he wanted to breathe, he should've brought alon...
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joseph k winter
joseph k winter
Joined: 19 August 2012
Stories Written: 133

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