Funny story: The Foundering Fathers, on Original Intent

The Foundering Fathers, on Original Intent

"The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." 19th Amendment to the Constitution, ratified, 1920 We hold these truths to be self evident-- That all men are created equally Except for political expediency Where slaves are three-fifths property. These truths we're told are quite self evident: Th...
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Colbert Has Quit, Now Jon Stewart Is Going- Soon We Shall Be Totally Abandoned.

The Apocalypse is close at hand. The signs of the times are showing themselves. I am sure that there is a verse in Revelations that says "...and verily all the good comedians will leave the scene and only darkness shall thereafter be manifest...". Jon Stewart, primary televised purveyor of jokes and satirist extraordinaire for the entire western hemisphere has announced that he will be leaving...
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Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Six More Weeks of Climate Change

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - The world famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, made his annual appearance today, kind of saw his shadow, and proclaimed to America that there will be six more weeks of climate change. We spoke to Phil about his celebrity status and the pressure of accurately predicting the weather to hundreds of millions each year: Good morning, Phil. How's it going? "Oh hey, welcome to my...
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Funny story: Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

After readers voted on "Who's The Dumbest Democrat?" contest held by N.S. News & World Report and chose Joe Biden for saying "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008," U.S. News is holding the "Who's The Dumbest Republican" contest. Readers are asked to base their votes on the following quotes: "They'r...
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Funny story: Give up Fox News for Lent? No, never! Not this Troglodyte!

Give up Fox News for Lent? No, never! Not this Troglodyte!

My priest, Monsignor Felix Fyodore Ayonsokopsosky, told me I should give up Fox News for Lent. "You have been acting very strange lately, my son. You need to quit watching Fox News. You look terrible. You smell worse than terrible. You've become paranoid schizophrenic. It's made you a cave dweller," Monsignor Ayonsokopsosky told me after confession. "But Father Ayonsokopsosky, Fox News has b...
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Two Irish Kids Discuss Reincarnation

The following is based on an actual conversation between two 10 year-old Irish kids on the problems posed by the difficult theory of reincarnation. Charles' dad is into Buddhism, Phil's parents are Catholics. They both attend the same school....a Catholic school. Phil: Why do we have to die? Charles: So's we can come back. Phil: Back here? What for? Charles: So that we can become gooder...
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Everything You Thought You Already Knew About Life

Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning. Life- The commitment you don't remember having agreed to. Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again. Life- A pain in the ass that doesn't limit itself to just that area. Life- A journey on a sea of unknown depths. Life- Two third of a day that it takes one third of a night to reco...
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Funny story: Islamic Terrorists Shot In Paris Arrive In Jihadist Heaven

Islamic Terrorists Shot In Paris Arrive In Jihadist Heaven

The three Islamic assassins who killed French citizens at Charlie Hebdo and a Jewish delicatessen arrive at the destination they had given their lives for, the Jihadist heaven promised them. An angel greets them as they arrive. "Welcome gentlemen. I hope your journey was peaceful." "Hardly!" stated Said Kouachi sarcastically. "We got our shit shot to pieces." "You can say that again." Sai...
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Breaking News...

Obama signs bill to fund Homeland Insecurity

Capitol Hill braces itself for a massive FBI bust of Russian agents who have infiltrated Wall Street, Big Oil and the Krispy Kreme Co
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Funny story: GOP Says Obama is Forcing Folks Back to Work

GOP Says Obama is Forcing Folks Back to Work

GOP leaders held a press conference after the news that job growth continued to expand dramatically under Democratic guidance. John Boehner surrounded by Ted Cruz and other Tea Party notables announced today: "This president with his pro growth policies is forcing folks back to work to make his Libtards look good before the 2016 election!" Washington reporter Candy Cookie asked him; " Are yo...
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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Says Drinking Age Should be 35 - Early Drinking Ruined His life!

Rush Limbaugh Says Drinking Age Should be 35 - Early Drinking Ruined His life!

He told Fox news today while visiting the Koch Brothers at Their Ranch in Aspen Colorado: - "If I had not started drinking at 18 I would not be sitting here around the pool with my best pals the Koch Brothers and getting drunk and high out of my Gourd on Oxycotin with four Russian Hookers!" "These libtards are so fcking permissive with their liberal spawn that they can get away with anything!"...
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Funny story: Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to Homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated; "Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!" Catholic Ti...
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Funny story: The Onion says The Spoof Has Jerkoff Editors, who knew?

The Onion says The Spoof Has Jerkoff Editors, who knew?

Moishe Pipick editor in chief for The Onion told Vanity Fair in an interview today: "If you look at the quality of coruscating satiric humor on The Spoof it's like a parody of fake news itself!" He said; 'they have some terrific writers and we have hired some recently like David Nelson and they all basically say the same thing -'The best stuff is left on the cutting room floor because their...
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Funny story: The Best Dream He Ever Had

The Best Dream He Ever Had

On reflection, he was more than happy that he had lived to experience such an event, however unreal it may have appeared at the time. He could see it all clearly now. Gazing up at the stars that seemed suddenly close and friendly he could not help but replay the scene over and over in his mind. To a stunned and packed Senate gathering President Barack Obama got slowly to his feet to announce th...
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Funny story: The Good Old Days - An email from 1914

The Good Old Days - An email from 1914

Fw: Fwd: THE YEAR IS 1914 People Leon and Ramona Frankamp Today at 9:53 AM To Undisclosed-Recipient@ From: Preston > Subject: FW: THE YEAR IS 1914 > > > > > > > > > THE YEAR IS 1914 > >...
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Funny story: Best Torture for Terrorists - Nagging American Women!

Best Torture for Terrorists - Nagging American Women!

Terrorists treat their women like dogs. As a result, they have NO idea how viscous a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife" (I don't include girlfriend nagging, just as viscious, because terrorists don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship, and options for the women.) You put a suspected terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging Amer...
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Funny story: ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men......And Women

ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men......And Women

ISIS - The Answer To The Future You've Always Wanted! (This is the real ISIS, the one that kills anyone and anything it wants, not one of those wimpy organizations with that stupid Egyptian symbol of a guy with a jackals head, the image of which, by the way, is outlawed by our sect.) Are you f___ed up? REALLY f___ed up? Do you dream of a life like the heroic characters you play for 5 h...
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K.C. Bell
K.C. Bell
Joined: 27 June 2004
Stories Written: 254

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