1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties

Funny story: 1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties
1988: A Mock Epic for Two Parties "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy." Michael Dukakis to Diane Sawyer, 1988. Election night and I turn on Democracy on CNN. Proclaim, O Muse, how it turned out We ended up with such a rout. Was sleaze this year inordinate Or do our noses swim in stink? So that we can't tell gold from brass Or why George Bush lacks any class. The Hero of my ep...
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Kentucky man digs up his father's grave to argue with the corpse

Funny story: Kentucky man digs up his father's grave to argue with the corpse
SANFORD Ky - Michael May, 44, was discovered by Sanford police digging up his father's grave in a cemetery on Monday night, Aug. 17. May told the arresting officer that he was trying to exhume daddy so he could argue with him. May was charged with violating graves, public intoxication and marijuana possession and was expeditiously locked up in the Lincoln County Jail. What a fucking weirdo.
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Why Does the Chicken Cross the Road? To Get Her New Leg!

Funny story: Why Does the Chicken Cross the Road? To Get Her New Leg!
The countryside was bright at the crack of dawn and the cluck-clucking of the yard's twenty chickens sounded welcoming. Henrietta, the now famous chicken, also lived in this small farm house in rural Franklin, Texas. She clucked with the best of them and was obviously a leg up above the others. The reason? Henrietta had a new artificial leg. Henrietta the pet chicken received her $2,500...
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RNC: Immediate opening for qualified candidate

Funny story: RNC: Immediate opening for qualified candidate
Republican National Committee is seeking qualified candidates for nomination for President of the United States in 2016. No prior experience necessary. Dear RNC: In response to your ad, please consider me a candidate for the Republican nomination for President in 2016. Although I have never held elective office, you can see from the enclosed resume that I have a long list of accomplishmen...
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Did I Get a Good Deal Dr. Phil?

Funny story: Did I Get a Good Deal Dr. Phil?
Dear Dr. Phil, I'm engaged to a fairly powerful and influential man, Ivan, who lives overseas. We've been in a difficult relationship for many years now. During that time, Ivan has made many speeches in which he calls for "death to monogamy" and claims it's his divine right to "bag as many babes" as possible. He frequently calls me the "great Satan" and says I should be exterminated along wi...
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How come the illegal drug market never crashes?

Funny story: How come the illegal drug market never crashes?
1. Junkies are smarter than brokers. 2. The illegal drug market is protected by American law enforcement. Barney Frank patrols Wall Street. 3. Pull over. I think your tail light is out. 4. The illegal drug emarket is protected by politicians who get rich on bribes. 5. Assume the position. 6. People don't realize that prohibition puts the profitability into trafficking drugs. In othe...
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"Stop the Silly Yakking" Babies Advise Grownups

Funny story: "Stop the Silly Yakking" Babies Advise Grownups
Observed by a reporter who understands baby talk, babies at a Day Care Center had a lot to say about what annoyed them about how adults speak. Here are a few direct quotes (as recorded by the reporter) from a number of different babies in the pack: -- "I hate it when my mom and dad use that silly baby talk with me. Y'know, 'Goo goo, ga ga, coochie, coochie, coo.' Ridiculous! Why don't they gro...
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Freedom at Last for Americans

Funny story: Freedom at Last for Americans
Extra Legislation to Protect 'Freedom'. Washington: Congress has passed new bills under instructions from Emperor Barack Obama to protect what he calls "citizens' inviolable freedoms". What does it mean? Well,... as a reward for giving up on their Freedom of Speech upon which America's 'democracy' is founded, American sheeple can now have their innate freedoms legally protected. They are...
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Breaking News...

Donald Trump fails to sign pledge not to run for King in 2016

Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced Today that he has not signed a pledge not to run for King.
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Funny story: Hail Caesar! - On the plight of Illegals

Hail Caesar! - On the plight of Illegals

[AT A PRESS CONFERENCE IN IOWA] . . . and the third part of my plan to stop illegal immigration involves the erection of a new stadium on the U.S. - Mexican border. It'll be called the Trump Coliseum, and it'll have a separate entrance for those people who own one of the condos that will be included there as a part of the complex, as well as a multiplex theater, at least two three star restauran...
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Funny story: Male bias in building mens' toilets discovered

Male bias in building mens' toilets discovered

Following revelations from Dutch researchers that office thermostats are set based on the metabolism of a 40 year old 154 pound man (called Stan) and his pet gorilla called Eric, lesbian researchers in Reykjavik have made another startling discovery. Extensive research shows that male toilets throughout the world have been designed with the needs of males of all ages in mind with total disregar...
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Funny story: God's Office

God's Office

God's Office (1-800-GR8 1) Cherubic voices singing "We are the World," followed by . . . You have reached the offices of God. Para continuar en Espanol, oprimes dos. Our office hours are from 0000 to infinity, Zulu time. After you hear the music of the spheres, please leave your message. No need to leave your name or contact information. We know it. Before you leave your message, please...
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Funny story: Help, please for the love of god, somebody help me

Help, please for the love of god, somebody help me

By Donald Trump Let me be frank. I don't want to be President. I never did. Someone very powerful offered me 20 million dollars to run a campaign and I couldn't refuse that offer. Now they're not letting me back out and I am regretting it immensely. I'm trying to sabotage my campaign and you keep voting for me in the polls. Stop it! Just stop it already! I've had enough! What more do I need...
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Funny story: Not in the AIA Guide

Not in the AIA Guide

Not in the AIA Guide The latest issue of the AIA Guide to New York City is out. As expected, it contains all the old favorites. But the recent work of one quasi-architect, this weekend's darling of the movers and shakers (not the Shakers), is not to be found in this "Classic Guide to New York's Architecture." The artiste, Leonard Reklame ("Rek") Kaufmann, variously known to the architecto...
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Funny story: My old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt is working on a S/F novel rooted in the world of real science

My old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt is working on a S/F novel rooted in the world of real science

I ran into my old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt at the mall the other day and he told me he quit teaching and was now going to be a science-fiction writer. "That's terrible. Absolutely atrocious. I feel so sorry for you, Feducious," I said. "No, no, no. It's wonderful. And I'm just about at the halfway point of my first novel," he said jubilantly. "I'm doing so well that I decide...
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Funny story: Trumpenstein - The Horror The Republicans Created That Now Comes Back To Devour Them.

Trumpenstein - The Horror The Republicans Created That Now Comes Back To Devour Them.

A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars. Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air. A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons. They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other...
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Funny story: My neighbor and friend Jacko gets diagnosed with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

My neighbor and friend Jacko gets diagnosed with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

My friend and neighbor Jacko stopped by the other day and told me that a doctor had just diagnosed him with Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. Now Jacko is so wild and weird that nothing he says or does is too far-fetched for me, but I must admit, I became a little concerned about this diagnosis. "What exactly is Alice in Wonderland Syndrome?" I asked him. "Well it all started with all these horr...
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JTamarkin
JTamarkin
Joined: 27 August 2009
Stories Written: 6

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