I am Addicted to Pop-Tarts

Funny story: I am Addicted to Pop-Tarts
To the Editor: I am an adult male in my thirties, ok, forties, in great shape. A family man. Hardworking. Loyal. I don't drink or gamble or smoke. Not even pot. But I have a secret. I am addicted to Pop-Tarts. Strawberry, never frosted, sometimes chocolate, frosted, and occasionally, around Christmas, frosted brown sugar. There, I said it, aloud, although anonymously. Can the voi...
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Elderly spoof writer ponders stages of life!

Funny story: Elderly spoof writer ponders stages of life!
You told me about conception. You told me about birth. You told me about infancy. You told me about early childhood. You told me about puberty. You told me about young adulthood. You told me about middle age. You told me about the "golden years." You told me about old age. OK. I am now 86 years old. That is VERY old!  I am now shitting my brains out! More is coming out t...
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The Famous And Now Forgotten Word Warrior- The Paperclip Guy!

Funny story: The Famous And Now Forgotten Word Warrior- The Paperclip Guy!
Do you remember way back in the foggy mist of Internet time the first and most infamous troll of all, the Paperclip Guy? He would always be lurking around the corner of any Word document you were typing; just waiting for his chance to add his two bits about what you were writing, like a Stasi spy eager for a promotion within the ranks. He considered himself the main protector and overseer of...
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How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways.

Funny story: How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways.
With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, although she probably would have thought that Trump was an asshole too, as would her husband Robert, and any children they had, had they had any. How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways: he is an asshole To the depth and breadth and height that fools Can reach, when they're wallowing in a dump. He is an asshole in every li...
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Halloween Tech

Funny story: Halloween Tech
It's Halloween morning. You're curled up in bed reading a book on your new Kindle. It's light as a feather and holds tons of books. Ah, the new technology. Isn't it wonderful? You get up and head to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. Eek! There is none. Thank goodness you invested in a "smart" refrigerator, programmed to automatically inventory and re-order some basic items. You g...
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Julius Caesar's "Shakespeare"

Funny story: Julius Caesar's "Shakespeare"
The stage ride from Verona to Venice was slow, dusty, bumpy and tiring, especially for the young, attractive and very pregnant U. of Verona co-ed, Sophia. Her attempts to sleep were frustrated by the ham actor who boarded the stage at some obscure stop and proceeded to regale, he thought, his fellow passengers with soliloquies from epic plays. For nearly sixty minutes, non-stop, he blustered up an...
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Encomium by a Conflicted Republican

Funny story: Encomium by a Conflicted Republican
Friends, Republicans, deplorables, lend me your ears; I come to defend Donald Trump, and to praise him. The tweets that men post oft live after them; And good is oft interrèd with their boners. So let it be with Trump. Sarah Huckabee Hath told you Trump is a fighter. And so he is, however fatuous, And pettily hath Trump now proven it. Here under leave of Huckabee and the rest (For...
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Donald Trump Has Already Broken Numerous Presidential Records

Funny story: Donald Trump Has Already Broken Numerous Presidential Records
"In analyzing President Trump's term in comparison with other U.S. Presidents, we have found a number of executive office records that Trump has now broken," spoke a history analyst at Northwestern University. The list includes: 1. Most lies ever by a POTUS, beating Ronald Reagan's eight-year total in just eight months. 2. Lamest inauguration ever, with lower attendance than Presi...
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Breaking News...

Alabama's New State Motto

After Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
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Funny story: Chicken Little: In fowl trouble

Chicken Little: In fowl trouble

They crossed the footbridge over the creek that ran along the boundary of what, years ago, had been one of the nation's, some said the world's, largest chicken ranches. Now much of it had reverted to sage brush and other desert plants. Today, reduced to a small farm, only one of the chicken coops remained standing, next to the large barn. That was where they found the man they were looking for.
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Funny story: Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...
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Funny story: Never say Neverland

Never say Neverland

Never Never Land, CA --- The late Michael Jackson's estate, Never Never Land, named for Neverland, the fantasy island on which "lost boys" never become men, was the singer's home and, according to "unproven" allegations, the site of several molestations by "Wacko Jacko," as Jackson is also known. Supposedly, Wacko molested several preteen males who stayed at Never Never Land as his overnight "gues...
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Funny story: President Trump - I have something to say

President Trump - I have something to say

I'm an artist and being an artist, I realize that I'm more sensitive than others. Not that makes me better, just more sensitive. And better. We're also more intuitive. Just the other day, I knew it was going to be a rainy day even before I saw any weather forecasts, for I could feel the foreboding, the darkness, a sense of sadness. Also, it had started to rain. But I wouldn't have even needed that...
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Funny story: Silver Bells and a Derringer

Silver Bells and a Derringer

Silver bells at Christmas no longer have that same old ring to them, at least not for me. Especially a set of bells packed with a Derringer. Yep, that's right - a Derringer! The trouble began a month ago when my wife and I had another argument. Once again, she was complaining that I didn't spend enough time with her, give her enough attention, or consider her feelings - yada, yada, yada. She w...
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Funny story: The Flies in that Proposed 2018 Mars Manned Flyby

The Flies in that Proposed 2018 Mars Manned Flyby

If Dennis Tito's manned flyby of Mars launches early next year as originally planned, the protesters will probably far outnumber those who come to cheer. Who would have thought that a mission to Mars could so divide this nation? The fault is clearly Tito's. He may be a wizard at investment management but he needs a public relations consultant to preview what he will say at a press conference. B...
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Funny story: Spellbound Females

Spellbound Females

Aug. 23rd, 1973 two machine-gun carrying criminals entered a bank in Stockholm, Sweden. They held 4 hostages, 3 women and one man; strapped them with dynamite, for 131 hours, until they were finally rescued on Aug. 28th. Strangely enough, during the hostage taking, it was observed that hostages had formed a favorable baffling attitude towards their captors, rather than the rescue team! Psychologis...
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Funny story: Sloppy Sally responds to readers' questions

Sloppy Sally responds to readers' questions

Q. Whatever happened to hatpins and pocket pistols? In days past,  pussy-pinchers could expect to be pinned to death or given a lethal dose of 'lead poisoning' for the act our President describes so cavalierly. How would we men feel about Nut Grabbing? - Den from Colorado  A. Dear Den: Personally, I am opposed to Nut-Grabbing (I believe that it is meant to be hyphenated).  Many st...
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Paul Blake
Paul Blake
Joined: 15 November 2012
Stories Written: 117

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