Written by queen mudder
Print this

Saturday, 10 September 2011

image for Young Persons' Guide To The Slutty BBC Symphony Orchestra
At the Royal Albert Hole tonight

London - Last Night of the Proms audiences were treated tonight to the sartorial shock horror of a band of scruffy, sluttish musicians conducted by Edward Gardner.

Many of the female players looked as if the idea of getting their hair done for the Beeb's annual Big Night was complete anathema to delicate artistic temperaments.

A red-haired flautist was caught on camera with a money spider crawling all over her barnet as a 30 seconds close-up shot revealed to gobsmacked TV audiences.

Still, could have been worse, could have been a cockroach, eh?

Dark hair roots and fading peroxide tresses also crowned a rather mannish-looking woodwind section whose aversion to a slick of lipstick somehow matched disastrous dentistry.

In the string section spaghetti strap gowns were complimented by hideous, visibly sturdy brassieres and NHS prescription glasses, with certain cellists resembling everybody's idea of Soviet era Olympic shot putters.

Only an elderly, violet-gowned harpisst (sic) managed to pull off the charity shop look before being upstaged by a somewhat meaty soloist called Susan Bullock (soprano) in a massive blue tent dress that at least hid the tremulous fleshy folds inside.

A rousing chorus of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' saw some of London's most corpulent footie fans vie for camera attention accompanied by the dulcet strains of the BBC Symphony Chorus.

Sir Henry Wood is probably turning in his grave at the spectacle of it all.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 5?

4 6 8 15
70 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more