Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 12 September 2011

image for Heidi Montag Reveals She Has A Crush On The Kinetic King Who Appeared on America's Got Talent
This is a beach sand body photo of Heidi Montag before she had her breast enlargement surgery.

HOLLYWOOD - One Hollywood celebrity who does not seem to have a shortage of male suitors is none other than Heidi Montag.

Montag, who has so far had a total of 38 cosmetic surgeries as well as enhancement, enlargement, and tightening surgeries recently confided to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk that she has been involved with some of Tinsel Towns most eligible bachelors including Zac Efron, Taylor Lautner, and Charlie Sheen.

She stated to Miss Chipotle that back in late July her and Zac Efron had flown down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico where the two had a great time nude moonbathing on an isolated beach.

Montag, who is referred to by the members of the entertainment media including the paparazzi as the "Plastic Woman" also mentioned that just a few weeks ago she and Sheen, alias "The Space Cadet" had taken a yacht to Catalina Island and engaged in an evening of what is commonly referred to as 'Hiding the Salami.'

Chipotle asked her if there was anyone in particular that she was seeing now. She smiled as she gently rubbed her hooters and shyly answered that there is someone that she has quite a crush on.

Heidi admitted that from the first time that she saw a man known as The Kinetic King, (Tim Ford), perform on the reality talent show America's Got Talent that she knew that she wanted to one day get as close to him as humanly possible.

Chipotle asked her what the attraction was. Montag giggled and said that she loves the way that KK, as he prefers to be called, assembles the myriad of thousands and thousands of objects and gadgets which he sets up on stage and then watches them as they start falling down in a chain reaction collapsing and knocking down the next object and in turn knocking down the next one and so on.

Some of the objects he uses include playing cards, dominoes, cardboard coasters, tongue depressors, tinker toys, Saltine Crackers, Lego's, Popsicle sticks, empty soda cans, and Pop Tarts.

Heidi watched his precision planned performance and she thought to herself that a man who has that much patience in his work, must certainly have a tremendous amount of patience in the bedroom department.

Miss Chipotle said that she really did not get the correlation. Heidi informed her that due to the 38 surgeries that she has had all over her body, that her G-spot has now become a little bit slow in the stimulation department.

She confessed that lately her bed partners have become somewhat disappointed, frustrated, and even angry at the fact that they reach the erotically orgasmic plateau way before she does.

Montag added that one of her suitors who she said she would not name even had the nerve to tell her that she needed to go see a gynecologist about getting her G-spot tuned up.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is my understanding that Miss Chipotle knows the host of 'America's Got Talent,' Nick "The Pogo Stick" Cannon fairly well and she is going to try to get the Kinetic King hooked up with Heidi Montag. Oh and the initials of the 'suitor' that Montag did not want to name are C.S.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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