Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 9 September 2011

image for Arizona's Governor Jan Brewer Blames The Hurricanes, The Earthquakes, The Wildfires, The Floods, and The Heat Wave On "El Nino"
A photo of Hurricane Zsa Zsa, which is currently off the coast of The South Pole and moving toward Key West, Florida.

YUMA, Arizona - Governor Jan Brewer recently spoke before a gathering of The Retired Saguaro Cactus Breeders Coalition at a local Sand & More Sand Motel convention room where she thanked them for the patience they exhibited in a field that has been largely overlooked lately.

Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors asked the governor to comment on the recent weather catastrophes that have been plaguing her state and the rest of the nation.

The governor took a sip from her Geritol on the Rocks and replied that she has been preaching to everyone about the huge illegal alien problem almost non-stop for the past 13 months.

Everyone in the audience got a puzzled look on their faces. Governor Brewer added that the fires in Arizona and the ones in Texas along with the hurricanes and floods in the East Coast, and the earthquakes and the heat wave all across the nation are attributed to one thing and one thing only.

The crowd suddenly sat up as one group and became 'all ears.' Governor Brewer paused for a moment to fully take in the audience reaction. She remarked that all of the weather-related problems stem from Mexico.

Miss Vermicelli stood up and asked that she surely did not blame all of the weather catastrophes in the United States on the Republic of Mexico.

The governor, who is known as Jan "The Man" because at times she acts like she has a pair of 'big ones' between her legs, replied that she most certainly did.

She went on to say that El Nino is solely responsible for all of the weather mess and he came from south of the border, down Mexico way.

Many of the audience members started laughing, some were giggling, and one male voice could be heard whispering, "My oh my, I do believe that Janny-Jan has just done gone and lost what little sense the sun-parched old woman may have had left."

Governor Brewer was asked if she was perhaps kidding. She shook her head, took a bite out of her Metamucil non-fat cracker and said that she was not kidding and that she would talk to her attorney general about filing a lawsuit against Mexico just as soon as she returns to the state capitol.

She went on to say that when she gets through suing Mexico, the country will have to sell off their ancient Aztec and Mayan pyramids to pay for the award settlement.

Vermicelli informed Governor Brewer that blaming Mexico for El Nino would be like blaming the Eskimos for The Abominable Snowman, or blaming The Bronx Zoo for King Kong, or like blaming the Japanese people for Godzilla.

Brewer threw her hands up in the air and yelled out that she does blame the Japanese people for Godzilla.

A white-haired elderly gentleman in the third row shook his head. He turned to his white-haired elderly wife and told her that Mrs. Brewer needs to get on home to her husband, take off her suit of armor, and get her hubby to give her a good old-fashioned Grand Canyon Bumpin'.

In other news. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who tips the scales at 333 was recently asked if he would like to appear on an episode of 'The Cake Boss.' The governor asked, "Are you freakin' kiddin' me? Does that Ann Coulter skank look normal with a saddle on her back? Why hell yes, I'll do the show."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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