Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 8 September 2011

image for America's Got Talent: Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., PopLyfe, Team iluminate, and The Silhouettes Headed For The Final Showdown
iluminate forming a green silhouette of former baseball star Jose "SeƱor Steroids" Canseco.

HOLLYWOOD - Nick Cannon and Piers Morgan were both sharply dressed and looked like they had both stepped off of a wedding cake, but not a gay one insisted Morgan. Howie Mandel looked like he'd just cut his front lawn, and Sharon Osbourne looked like she'd been playing tennis all day.

The final ten contestants on America's Got Talent were whittled down to four. The first to make it to the finals was Team iluminate who are a glow in the dark dance troupe who can best be described as a psychedelic Wii version of Star Wars Meets The Grandchildren of Marcel Marceau.

The second act to make it was the Afro-haired band PopLyfe whose members have more hair that Marcia Cross, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Kardashian sisters combined.

They were dressed in Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band outfits that they actually borrowed from the Beatles Magical Mystery Strawberry Rain Museum in Liverpool.

The third act voted to move on to the finals was The Silhouettes who are comprised of 42 members who range in age from 4 to 24.

They work behind a giant white screen and form black silhouettes of various American landmarks including Niagara Falls, the Petrified Forest, the San Andreas Fault, the Mississippi River, the Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo, the state of Idaho, and their latest addition Dolly Parton's bosom.

And the fourth act to make it on to the finals is the nation's most famous ex-car washer, Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., who Nancy Sinatra, daughter of the great crooner Frank Sinatra, said sounds more like her father than even her father did.

Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight, Margarita Mixx of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, and Pia Confetti of the El Lay Informer are picking Murphy to win the $1 million first prize.

Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors is picking Team iluminate. Fuchsia Garfunkel of The Cucamonga Chit-Chat Chronicle is picking the Silhouettes. And Buck Yazoo of Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine is picking PopLyfe.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: A spokesperson for NBC stated that the network is presently negotiating with the Rolling Stones to have them appear on the America's Got Talent championship finale show.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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