Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 11 September 2011

image for Zac Efron Says Taylor Swift Is Everything He's Always Wanted And Then Some
A potato in the shape of a heart that Zac Efron was given and which he will give to Taylor Swift.

BOISE, Idaho - Zac Efron was in Boise in the capacity of parade marshal for The 59th Annual Boise Potato Peeling Festival and Miss Potato Peel Parade.

The 23-year-old actor was told that he is the youngest parade marshal in the events 59 year history.

Gizmo "Buttermilk" Wetfire, the Boise Town Council Sergeant-At-Arms pointed out that prior to Efron being bestowed with the prestigious honor the previous youngest parade marshal had been Titus "Popcorn" Popowitz, back in 1959, who was either 73 or 76 depending on which of the two birth certificates one went by.

Efron was interviewed by Hacienda Dakota who was covering the event for Hollywood Vis-a-Vis. She asked Efron how he felt. He smiled, took a sip of his potato milk shake, and said that he was as thrilled as a skunk sitting smack dab in the middle of a sanitary landfill.

Miss Dakota asked him why he was talking like a hick and Zac replied that he had no idea that he was talking like a hick. He apologized and said that it must be the carbs in the potato milk shake that made him talk like that.

Efron was then asked how his relationship with Taylor (Swift) was going. He smiled and replied that it was going great and that he was as happy as a three-peckered rooster locked up in a hen house with 45 chickens.

Dakota started giggling and asked him if he was ready to get on back to Los Angeles. Efron grinned and whispered, "Three hours ago Dakky, three frig-gin hours a-go shhh."

He then told her that he wanted for her publication to let everyone know that he has never been happier now that he is with the lovely, talented, pretty, sexy, svelte, rich T-Swizzle (Taylor).

Zac said that when he is around her he gets some wonderfully wonderful feelings in the groin region of his pants that make him wanna get up and do the hokey pokey, the Macarena, and the splits.

He smiled and noted that Taylor is everything in a woman that he has always wanted and then some. He winked at Dakota and told her that he hopes to one day save up enough money to buy her a proper engagement ring and sweep her off her country music feet and spend the rest of their lives with her writing nothing but beautiful number one hit songs about him.

Dakota asked Zac what it is about him that Taylor likes. He smiled and revealed that she loves the way that he can do some right-on-the money impersonations of such noted individuals as Arnold "The Poker" Schwarzenegger, Donald "Hair From Hell" Trump, Marc "The Zombie" Anthony, Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest, and Sarah "Polar Bear Balls" Palin.

In other news. Vice-President Joe Biden told CNNs Anderson Cooper that if he manages to eat just seven more hamburgers between now and September 21 that he will break his all-time monthly record which currently stands at 24 burgers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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