Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Saturday, 3 September 2011

image for Irish traveller refuses to be evicted from Big Brother house.
Sally Bercow has a fag after being evicted from the house

Irish traveller Paddy Doherty will soon to be told he has "30 minutes to pack his bags and leave the Celebrity Big Brother house."

But the star of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding claims he has nowhere to go and has erected chicken wire around the programme to keep gay interviewer Brian Dowling out.

The traveller has assured fellow contestant Kerry Katona that he has bought every television in Essex 'for cash' and has a legal right to occupy the show.

But Big Brother has lost patience with Paddy after he stripped all the lead from the roof and dumped a broken fridge freezer in the outdoor jacuzzi.

Celebrity Big Brother producers have warned Paddy that unless he leaves the house they will send in Ant n Dec and he will be physically removed from the programme.

But Paddy Doherty is desperate to avoid being evicted and has promised to tarmac the drives of all other contestants at a knock down price.

Ex Celebrity Big Brother contestant Sally Bercow, whose old man is Speaker of the House of Commons, is backing the Irish traveller's right to stay in his home and has told Daily Mail readers: "Paddy is a real man, unlike my ponce of a husband."

The Only Way Is Essex star Amy Childs has also bonded with the traveller and told him and millions of viewers:"I sunbathed naked by the swimming pool and I burnt my flange. It looks like a slice of watermelon."

But Australian paparazzi snapper Darryn Lyons has questioned Paddy Doherty's intelligence: "The wheel's still turning but the hamster's dead" claimed pink haired Darryn in the Diary Room.

Now Celebrity Big Brother producers are growing increasingly concerned that Paddy's underhand tactics are winning the public over.

The traveller has challenged the scriptwriters to let him settle the dispute 'the gypsy way' by having a televised bare knuckle fight with Jedward: "I will smack them in the gob and then the whole country will vote for me to stay in the Celebrity Big Brother house" said Paddy Doherty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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