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Thursday, 1 September 2011

Cash strapped royal couple, Prince William and Princess Catherine, have agreed to appear in the TV series Wife Swap, with Californian Kim Kardashian and her new husband, Kris Humphries. TV writers are looking forward to the culture and lifestyle clash as the Californian couple swap partners with the bluest blood on the planet, and a chance for viewers to get up close and personal with the hottest princess since Lady Diana.

TV executives for ABC in the US and Channel 4 in the UK that negotiated the deal are being praised in US and British media for creating what will be THE must watch TV event of the year if not the decade. Producers promise this will not be car crash TV though, more a right royal pile up with aristocratic money shots. For the Karsdashian brand this is guaranteed to increase their global audience and more money making opportunities.

Royal families across Europe are surprised that the conservative and image conscious British royal family, following a series of PR disasters in the 90s, have allowed this decision to go ahead. Sources close to Queen Elizabeth say that behind the scenes William ego has become a problem. Now that his popularity is at an all time high, William has begun to think he is invincible. Other witnesses to what goes on at Bucks Palace say that William can finally taste the throne and has begun to throw his weight around, bullying his grandmother and threatening to send his dad to the mental asylum if he disagrees with any of his decisions.

There is high hope of sexual tension on camera as athletic Kris Humphries gets to spend time with a delicate English rose Princess Catherine; equally Kim Kardashian famous for her rump, knows how to play for the cameras and will hopefully tease Prince William out of his reserved British shell, who has never probably spent time with someone so sexually confident.

In an internal memo between the TV stations that has been leaked, part of the deal is that the on the royal side, Williams has to take Kardashian on a royal hunt, introduce her to his grandma at a fancy dinner, and of course get her to do some chores around the various palaces, even though Princesses in real life no longer do this. They are also hoping that the forthright Kardashian also quizzes William on his sex life at inappropriate moments such as well as make faux pas when introduced to older royals like grumpy Prince Phillip and falls foul of royal protocol.

In one of the last taboo subjects in Britain, Karsdashian has been briefed to ask Williams some tough questions about life with his mum, and producer hope for some tears.

On the US side it is hoped William gets hot under the collar as he is introduced to the plastic fantastic beauties and the bling lifestyle as Kardashian encourages him to be less uptight.

Princess Catherine who is much more a natural than her husband on camera, is expected to boss around Humphries who will not be able to handle a confident English women, who will not tolerate chewing gum at the dinner table, leaving basketball kit on the floor and lazing round the house. Catherine will probably embrace the relaxed Californian lifestyle and reveal some of the tensions being subjected to daily royal inspectors. She will hopefully teach him some English manners and eating customs whilst back in Britain, make him dress like an English gentleman and also crack jokes about the royal stuffiness.

Not everyone is sympathetic. William's dad, Prince Charles has written a letter in The Times of London, saying not since tampongate (when Charles' intimate chats with Camilla were found by the media) has the monarchy potentially open itself up to being a laughing stock.

Others argue that the real reason for getting involved is financial, as the offer put on the table by the TV producers was too enticing to resist for the royal couple. They have faced mounting costs following their recent splurges in North America and the honeymoon which went way over budget. With the British government tightening the royal purse strings, they needed to have a hard look at their earnings for 2011.

Also following TV crane shots at the wedding which revealed William's bald spot, he has been speaking to Elton John about getting a hair transplant. The cost of getting this operation has led to heated arguments between the couple with Princess Catherine feeling like she is being forced to live a paupers existence, having come from a wealthy family.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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