Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 9 September 2011

image for Jesse James Divulges That Kat Von D's Sexy Body Is As Tight As A Drum
A tattoo of Kat Von D's lips that Jesse James has tattooed on his scrotum.

LONG BEACH - Jesse James, the former owner of West Coast Choppers, says that he has finally gotten over the fact that most people in America hate him for breaking the heart of America's sweetheart, his ex-wife Sandra Bullock.

Jesse, who said that he hates being called "Messy" Jesse added that instead of worrying about his personal life people should worry about real problems like why in the world does Donald Trump insist on wearing that horribly-looking stupid hairdo when he knows that it makes him look like a reddish-blonde-headed Liberace.

James added that people should worry about the friggin fact that if Sarah Palin keeps on shooting all the big game in Alaska at the effen rate that she currently is by the year 2016, every single moose, caribou, elk, and reindeer in the Iceberg State will be gone and squirrels, woodchucks, and beavers will be considered big game.

And finally "Motorcycle Boy" as Bullock called him pointed out that if he wants to go and get a tattoo of his on-again, off-again, on-again girlfriend Kat Von D's cell phone number on his dip-stick (wiener) then it's no one's business but his, Kat's, and of course the non-gay tattoo artist.

Ty Tickler of Hollywood Innuendo, who himself has a total of 37 tattoos all over his body, asked Jesse how his relationship with Kat Von D, alias "The Pink Ink Mama" is going.

Jesse tugged at his San Diego Chargers baseball cap and said that Kitty-Kat, as he calls her when he and her are engaged in a friendly game of 'Hide the Salami' smiled and said that Kat really takes care of herself.

He went on to say that Kat's sexy body is as tight as a drum and that she has the prettiest decorated tata's of any woman he has ever seen.

Jesse smiled like the Canadian cat that swallowed the Costa Rican canary and said that his girlfriend's sweater treats are even prettier than Brooklyn Decker's, Scarlett Johansson's, Sofia Vergara's, and Madonna's.

James wanted to make it perfectly clear that he only went out with Madonna once and that was only in order to win a $615 bet with one of his mechanics.

In a related story. Ty Tickler has just published his first book. It is titled 'The Land of Celebrity Ink' and includes 3,871 glossy photos of tattoos found on the faces and bodies of 513 well-known celebrities including Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Barbara Walters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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