Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 28 August 2011

image for The Terms of The Mel Gibson - Oksana Grigorieva Settlement
"Mad" Mel Gibson, the ex-future husband of Oksana Grigorieiva. (Photo courtesy of Britney Spears).

LOS ANGELES - After a year and a half of back and forth bickering a settlement has finally been reached in regards to custody and financial claims and counterclaims between Mel Gibson, 55, and his ex-future wife the stunningly sexy Oksana Grigorieva, 40.

The actor from down under, whom Oksana referred to as Mel from Hell because of his fiery temper, finally agreed to come to terms with Ms. Grigorieva's demands.

According to Taffeta Kixx with iRumors Oksana had the upper hand from the very beginning and she knew it. If Gibson's ex-Russian girlfriend had wanted to she could have had Mel put in prison for up to 50 years.

The actor known as "The Screamin' Aussie" due to the 717 sexual and racist expletive laden audio phone tapes he made to Oksana may be lots of things but he isn't stupid.

Sean Hannity, Herman Cain, and Ann Coulter have all said that Mel is stupid but he isn't. Mel knows that if he is prison there is no way that he would be able to spend the half billion dollars that he is reportedly worth.

Another concern that Gibson had about going to prison was the fact that since he is still fairly good looking he could possibly end up being named The Queen of Cell Block C.

Oksana was represented by noted San Francisco attorney Simcoe Butterweather. Gibson was represented by Dexter Ziggywax of the Las Vegas law firm of McSpoony, Cupidwater, Ziggywax, & Hasenpfeffer.

Butterweather is the attorney who represented homeless man Buford "Moonshine" Hickpuffer in the infamous 2008 court case of Hickpuffer Vs. West Virginia, in which Mr. Hickpuffer was awarded a settlement of $8.7 million.

Gibson's Las Vegas-based law firm last year unsuccessfully defended Britney Spears in the lip syncing lawsuit which had been filed against her by the country of Australia. The plumpish blonde had to end up paying $472,000 plus court costs to the Australian government.

One of the things that really helped to convince Gibson to settle the case was the fact that Oksana's attorney brought out the fact that Miss Grigorieva and her infant daughter Lucia, nicknamed "Sparky" were living in a two-room trailer house at the run-down Left Coast Sunset Trailer Park in La Brea.

Butterweather focused on the fact that Miss Grigorieva's trailer was 31 years old and had two families of very boisterous woodchucks living underneath it.

He also brought out the fact that Oksana was not receiving a single dime from Gibson and that she was on food stamps and her only means of income came from her making hand carved miniature wooden vuvuzelas and selling them at the La Brea Flea Market.

At one point in the proceedings Butterweather told Gibson's attorney that his client would be willing to drop the alleged assault, extortion, and kidnapping charges if he agreed to an out-of-court settlement of $250 million.

Gibson decided to agree to the demand after his attorney showed him a photo of some of the hard-core convicts housed at The Captain Kangaroo Prison For Men located in La Brea.

The terms and conditions of the settlement were sealed but a fantastic, inside source with the initials of L.K. said that regarding custody of little "Sparky," Oksana will have her on Monday's, Wednesday's, Friday's, Saturday's, and Sunday's and Mel will have her on Tuesday's and Thursday's.

Mel also agreed to write Oksana a check for $250 million. He will sign over to her his 2011 Lamborghini Murcielago, buy her a $10,000 necklace, give her his $2.4 million home in Avocado Heights, and never ever mention (to anyone) the fact she has a rather large, unsightly freckle located on her labia majora.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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