Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 27 August 2011

image for 'Carol Vorderman - Fit As A Butcher's Dog At Fifty!' Reports The Daily Mail
Carol, Pictured In Her Countdown Days - With No Knickers On

Upmarket British tabloid, The Daily Mail, has recently reported that former Countdown maths whizz, Carol Vorderman, is still as fit as a butcher's dog at fifty, and ran a series of pictures on its website to prove it.

Unfortunately, none of them featured the delectable Carol Vorderman naked.

According to The Mail, via a spokesman, Carol Vorderman can be seen in the nude when she gets in the bath or the shower, and occasionally when she's changing.

But there aren't any pictures floating about.

Observers report that it doesn't take a genius to work out that Ms Vorderman, 'The Thinking Man's Crumpet' is in bloody good nick for her age, and well worth hanging out of.

Indeed, the Daily Mail is undoubtedly the world leader in shitty, meaningless headlines. Apart from possibly, the Daily Star, who still seem convinced that the great British public retains a rabid interest in Katie 'Placcy Baps' Price.

Throughout this week, The Mail online has delivered a breathtakingly crap parade of absolute non-story headlines, designed to titillate its largely moronic readership. One such non-story declared that there isn't a XXX rated sex tape doing the rounds, featuring N Dubz star and X-Factor judge, Tulisa.

Another DM non-story featured concerns that Hollywood star, Angelina Jolie's legs were looking 'a bit skinnier than usual,' and yet another article trumpeted that Maria Carey is almost back to the weight she was ten years ago.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, gave us his take on the DM's output:

"Yes," he said. "It's stating the bleeding obvious that Carol Vorderman is well worth slipping a casual length. But I wouldn't do it, because I'm a happily married man. I once had Beyonce bending over the sink in our house, wearing a skimpy tennis outfit. Short skirt and all that. Wiggling her bum about she was, as she was doing the washing up. I wasn't remotely tempted though. I fucking hate that 'Put A Ring On It' song. It gets right on my tits. What were we on about again? Oh yes, the Daily Mail - I like it. It's a bit like my favourite website, www.thespoof.com, only fucking dafter."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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