HOLLYWOOD - The producers of America's Got Talent outdid themselves as they booked three professional acts that brought the house down.
Demi Lovato performed her mega-hit "Skyscraper" amid one of the most elaborate stage sets to be seen in recent years. She showed her fans and the viewers that the three month stay at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic did wonders for her self-esteem, her self-worth, and her self-absorption.
Lovato displayed no signs of the individual who was prone to severe bouts of self-doubt, paranoia, low-esteem, and cutting acts.
After her performance she said that she wanted to thank her anger management instructor at the rehab clinic Talbot F. Neckingbrewster for showing her that just because one is angry does not mean that one has to go around breaking chairs, gluing doors shut, or setting fire to refrigerators.
America's Got Talent Host Nick "The Pogo Stick" Cannon asked Demi what she remembered most about her stay at Henry and Betty Ford and she immediately remarked, "72913."
Nick asked her what that meant. And she replied that it was her patient number while she stayed at the clinic. She then pointed out that she had also memorized 73013, which was Lindsay Lohan's patient number and 72987 which was Charlie Sheen's patient number.
Prince Poppycock appeared dressed as a big, gigantic, white dove. He actually had so many white feathers on his costume that one has to wonder that somewhere there are hundreds of featherless, naked white doves walking around since they really are in no condition to fly.
PP as the initials on his chest read sang an old Bob Dylan song named "Lay Lady Lay." Afterwards he said that he was dedicating it to his brand new friend and confidante Marcus Bachmann.
Nick asked the prince if he knew that Mr. Bachmann was an anti-gay homophobicite. PP said that it was all just an act and that Mr. Marcus, as he calls him, is really just a great big old teddy bear who likes to have his tummy rubbed with white dove feathers.
Judge Piers Morgan shouted out from his judges seat, "TMI PP, TMI."
The new act called the New Boyz then performed a hip hop rip rap song called, "Yo Bro, Has Ya Seen My Ho Flo?"
Afterwards Sharon Osbourne asked the pair why it is that they have to constantly be touching their crotch regions while singing and dancing around all over the stage.
The New Boyz said that they really were not aware that they had been touching their lap lizards. Mrs. Osbourne then pointed out that they had four back up singers who all happened to be white and not one of them even remotely put his hand anywhere near his groin area while singing or dancing in place.
The New Boyz shrugged their shoulders and looked at Sharon as if she had just spoken to them in Norwegian.
Just then Nick chimed in and said, "Ah Miss Sharon, perhaps I can shed some light on da subject. Ya see crotch grabbing is a black thang dat goes way back to da slave days when da male slaves wore underwear made out of cotton dat had been deemed defective by da plantation overseer and da sumbitch underbritches itched like a freaking mofo."
Piers shook his head and turning to Sharon remarked, "Well I guess that blitheringly bloody, blimey, bloomin', clears it up for ya doesn't it now Missy?"
Nick started to shake the hands of the New Boyz but he quickly caught himself and gave each one a chest bump instead.