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Thursday, 25 August 2011

image for Joan Collins Admits Her Porn Films The Stud and Bitch Led to Riots & Breakdown in British Values

A tearful Joan Collins has finally broken her silence since the UK riots and admitted that her soft porn films in the 1970s made when she was a struggling and naive middle aged actress, has had a big part to play in the breakdown of British good manners and society. Collins has been extremely candid about the mistakes she made when she wanted to prove to the world she still had pert breasts and show movie execs that she could be as popular as Farah Fawcett and Miss Piggy.

Collins spoke to the media from a bingo hall in St Tropez, South of France, where she now likes to pass her time in the summer months as the sun is not good for her wrinkle free skin. She agreed that many of the men who dropped out of school in order to masturbate over her art house films, are now the great-great-grand fathers of the rioters who took to the streets in London. However she refused to include her roles in Dynasty as Alexis Colby for also being a factor in the problems in society.

Her talk to the the media followed weeks of accusations being hurled at Collins for encouraging yobs to go on the rampage. Psychologists analysed the 80s Joan Collins effect and her role in Dynasty, following on from the soft porn effect, which was responsible for; encouraging bling style dressing, triggering an obesity crisis through gluttony, and encouraging a lack of respect to older people because Alexis was mean, nasty and a back stabber. This programme also prepared the ground for the crack explosion of the 80s and 90s that devastated the inner cities of the US and the UK and every other social ill since.

The pressure on Collins mounted in the last week as Prime Minister David Cameron and London Mayor Boris Johnson in a joint statement demanded she fly back to London to see the devastation that her 'diabolical and reckless projects have unleashed on the UK, ripping the moral fibre from this once proud country'.

Some feel Collins is an easy scapegoat for politicians to distract from the real issue as well as overlooking her hard work to make up for the mistakes of her soft porn and Dynasty past. The National Charity for Teenage Yobs says Collins who as one of their key patrons worked hard since the end of her acting career to change lives and find solutions for the collapse in infrastructure. Collins has in the past toured the inner cities lecturing teenagers on key skills needed to be a lady who lunches and how to treat old age pensioners with respect on the street.

Collins demons, despite all these good works, have come back to haunt her when she saw images of London burning and has now made it her life mission to remove all copies of her films from circulation in the west.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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