Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

image for Simon Cowell Says That Paula Abdul Has Gotten So Skinny She Looks Like A Matchstick With Hair
A pair of sneakers that Simon gave to Paula for her 49th birthday on June 19, 2011.

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell's newest reality show X-Factor will be premiering next month. He recently spoke with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune about his latest venture into the world of television music.

Cowell told LaTuna LaTundra that he has put tons of time, effort, and money into his latest project. He said that he has had to battle many skeptics who have said that it is just another singing reality show that will consist of a bunch of fifth-rate singers before they end up getting to some second-rate singers in the finals.

Simon says that he is used to hearing that type of criticism and that if he had a dime for every time that someone wrote about his hideous dark colored T-shirts he would probably have about 19,000 dimes by now.

LaTundra asked him about Paula Abdul's recent weight loss and the fact that his fellow judge has dropped down to a feeble looking 93 pounds.

Simon laughed and said that Paula is so self-conscious about her age, weight, looks, hair, cleavage, butt, and crotch region that she is constantly doing this or doing that.

Cowell said that the fact that the much younger, much prettier, much sexier, and much more desirable Nicole Scherzinger is also on the judges panel has a lot to do with Paula trying her best to look like that toothpick-looking, husband-stealing LeAnn Rimes who is down to 63 pounds.

When LaTundra asked Nicole if she is concerned about her weight she smiled and replied that she never worries about it because with her exceptional metabolism she could eat a Butterball turkey every day and not gain an ounce.

She did say off-the-record that she is concerned for Paula because she was told by Miss Abdul that her diet consists of one orange Fruit Loop for breakfast, one pistachio nut for lunch, and one olive for dinner.

Simon say that Paula has gotten so skinny that she now looks like a matchstick with hair. He noted that he and Nicole have decided that if she gets down to 90 pounds they will lock her in her dressing room and force feed her half a dozen Hostess Twinkies.

Paula's close friend Heidi Montag says that she is very concerned about Abdul because her legs now look skinnier than the legs on the standard-sized Barbie Doll.

5T will stay with the Paula Adbul matchstick with hair looking story and bring you any weight gain developments should they develop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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