Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Sunday, 21 August 2011

image for Edward from Jedward and The Secret Girlfriend
Oh No. Its Julie Ono.

Friends of Simon Cowell have tonight revealed that he has issued two newspapers with a super-injunction. The purpose of this super-injunction is very simple. Its to try to stop Edward from Jedward's secret girlfriend revealing all about their secret relationship.

Edward's girlfriend, Julie, is rumoured to have caused problems between John and Edward, lately. Julie has told Edward she wants him to spend more time with her, instead of down the pub playing table football with John and all their friends.

Julie has even gone as far as saying she thinks that Jedward should separate for the sake of her relationship. She thinks she's a more important part of Edward's life than John. She is rumoured to have said. "He's your past. I'm your future. Now make a decision quick coz I got chatted up by some bloke from TOWIE last week, so I won't be around forever."

Simon Cowell is said to have flown into a rage when she issued her ultimatum and he decided that Jedward needed to go into the Big Brother house immediately. Simon was convinced it was the only place the talented duo would be safe in the whole world from the terrible plans of the one he calls "Evil Julie Ono."

He was even overheard telling a friend that "Its just like the Beatles all over again. That's how big this separation could be...if it happens. But I'm going to take every precaution to makes sure it never does happen. Even if it means marrying Evil Julie Ono myself."
Anything to save Jedward. The best comedy duo since the Libertines.

Julie is said to be delighted at the news she is soon to be the next Mrs Cowell and has decided to dump Edward via the Big Brother House recorded messaging service.

"Goodbye, Edward, you're dumped" she is said to have said. "In future, babe, you should try to look a bit more like your brother. I think he's better looking. Sorry babe. Bye."

By Katarina Frogpond

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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