It's just been revealed that a number of contributors to online satirical website, The Spoof, are to be awarded the Victoria Cross, by Her Majesty the Queen in an extraordinary ceremony at Buckingham Palace to be held in late August.
The medals are to be awarded for 'Outstanding Restraint In The Face Of Overwhelming Provocation From Person Or Persons Unknown.'
It's been reported that most of the writers expected to receive gongs from the Queen, probably won't bother to turn up at the palace, as they'd prefer going out on the piss up the West End instead.
One writer, reportedly tipped to receive a gong and a knighthood, is Skoob1999, but he says he won't be going, because he'd rather have a big shit and go down the pub.
He told us:
"What's all this 'outstanding restraint in the face of overwhelming provocation' stuff about? Like I give a flying fuck at a rotating polo mint if somebody slags me off. Or anybody else for that matter. It matters not one iota. I'm sure Buckingham Palace is very nice on the inside, and all that, but the cunts didn't want to know me when I walked past there at two am with nothing more than a backpack, and we didn't even get offered a cup of tea when the wife and I went to Windsor on an eBay expedition. So they can stick their VC up their arse, and award it to a proper hero. Personally, I have nothing but contempt for snivelling shits who appear to do nothing all day long, aside from suck lemons and vent their ire on the internet over perceived injustices. They should just move on, and talk to the hand, coz the ears ain't listening."
Following an internal site investigation, this article was cleared, and published following confirmation that the writer truly doesn't give a fuck, and cares not a jot that he has been subjected to intense provocation recently. The writer himself, remarked:
"I don't give a monkey's arse. In fact, I quite enjoy it, in a masochistic Dorking/Worthing way. Bring it on. Go ahead - make my day."
More when the sun rises on a new dawn.