NEW YORK CITY - The host of Late Night With David Letterman has all of a sudden, out of the blue, stated that he feels that it is time for him to retire.
He says the time has come to hang up the old microphone and buy that little ice cube farm up in Greenland that he has been wanting for so long.
The 64-year-old Letterman spoke candidly with TV ClickerWorld's Sangria Wine and expressed to her that he just doesn't feel funny anymore.
He confessed that truth be told he has grown extremely sick of the nightly Top Ten List, his boring guests, and that little pip squeak musical director Paul Shaffer.
He also noted that he is tired of having to fight the traffic and is sick of eating deli sandwiches.
Miss Wine asked him if the fact that he had recently received death threats from a certain faction who said that they plan to cut out his tongue, his uvula, his tonsils, and his (blanks) had anything to do with his decision.
Letterman grimaced and asked, "They threatened to cut out my (blanks)?"
"Yes," replied Miss Wine and she then noted that it was her understanding that they also stated that they would fix his tooth gap using some Krazy Glue, coconut shavings, and an adult rattlesnake.
Letterman put his hand to his mouth and took off running towards the little boys room.
Meanwhile out on the Left Coast Jay Leno said that he makes it a point to only offend gay and lesbian groups because he knows that they can take a joke and besides what are they going to do to him, tickle him to death with a feather boa?