(Reuters) LA Law enforcement was tripled by a factor of 10 as approximately 80% of the adult male population of Los Angeles California took to the streets of LA frantically searching for actress Angelina Jolie's cat in hopes of being the one to personally return it to her."
The cat, a mystical magical blend of fantasy yet reality was purchased by Jolie while she was in Istanbul filming the upcoming Tomb Raider 4 sequel. Jolie says,
"Tre. The first time I laid eyes on him I was in love. Please help me find him .."
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told reporters,
"I wish she had not posted those 'Please Help' billboards of her and the cat all over LA. The mayor tells me that all the non girlie-man men of LA are now all out in the streets causing all kinds of trouble. A few non girlie-man women too."
Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, confident that the California National Guard will NOT have to be deployed tonight said,
"So far we've only had a few minor disturbances, the last one being a few mildly intoxicated male UCLA students fighting over a what they believed to be Mz Jolie's cat but later turned out to be a black short haired Schnauzer dressed up like a cat."
"Someone's playing tricks in LA", the mayor warned adding
Someone's playing tricks dressing up dogs as cats, cats as dogs, planting decoys, flooding our 911 switchboards with bogus Tre sightings all in hopes of being the first to find Tre and return him to Mz Jolie". The mayor went on to say
"I as your mayor of course will for the good of the community MYSELF be out patrolling the streets of .."
** WE INTERRUPT THIS WRITTEN NEWS STORY TO REPORT
"Actress Angelina Jolie, according to unconfirmed sources has FOUND her cat Tre safe at home, upstairs under the covers waiting for Mz Jolie to bring up some milk and cookies .... 'tuck him in'. More as more develops."
** WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED WRITTEN NEWS STORY !!
"Darn", Mayor Villaraigosa told reporters after hearing the breaking news flash going on to say
"I just KNEW I'd spotted this black haired Schnauzer dressed up like a cat only I'm pretty sure it was really TRE dressed up like a Schnauzer pretending to BE dressed up like him only .. er ..are we live? Sorry. Carry on LA."