HOLLYWOOD HILLS - After years of carrying on in an abusive environment Mother Nature has finally caught up with the poor, little, rich, troubled starlet known as Lindsay Lohan.
Lohan who has spent the past few years crossing the lines of what is legal and miraculously getting away with it time after time after time is now witnessing first hand the results of all of that lawbreaking attitude and late night carousing.
The 25-year-old semi-celeb's hair has thinned out tremendously, her eyes look tired, her skin looks as if she has been riding a one-humped camel out on the Sahara Desert for two weeks, and her freckles have started to join together forming a quilt like pattern.
"LiLo" hardly ever laughs, giggles, or smiles. Close friends say that she hasn't even played her favorite game Paper, Rock, Scissors in months.
And ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson said that she just mostly sits in her backyard of her Lucky Lohan Land home and stares blankly into outer space with that Charlie "Space Cadet" look about her.
Lohan is even starting to worry her gardener Milo de Milo who recently told the supermarket tabloid Say What? that the same gender belly bumper appears to be from another intergalactic planet kind of like Joan Rivers but with a lot less plastic, collagen, and wrinkles.
De Milo, who says that back in 1998, he swam to America from his native country of Nicaragua, stated that his boss (Lohan) will certainly not be offered any movie parts; not even by a producer who makes some of the most horribly horrendous vampire/zombie/werewolf motion pictures in Tinsel Town.
In the words of Yogi Berra, Lindsay Lohan can now stay home because the fat lady has sung, she has played the accordion, she has plucked the ukulele, and she has shuffled off to Buffalo.
As one of Lohan's closet friends Ke$ha pointed out, Lindsay now looks more like 70-year-old Faye Dunaway than even Faye Dunaway does.
In The Where Are They Now Department. Former comedian Gilbert Gottfried was spotted in the African country of Lower Zamgola dressed as a Lower Zamgolan headdress salesman.