Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 15 August 2011

image for Charlie Sheen Talks Candidly With One Tough Cookie of A Reporter
Charlie has said that if he hadn't been an actor he would have been either an astronaut or a gynecologist.

SHERMAN OAKS - The man who went from having two goddesses to being totally goddess-less now says that he realizes that the two were only using him to advance their own careers.

Charlie Sheen has lots of nicknames but one that perhaps fits him the best is "The Space Cadet."

The former star of Two and A Half Men recently spoke with iRumors reporter Ling Chow Rangoon and told her that he does not regret giving up his $1.8 million weekly salary.

Miss Rangoon, who is one hard-nosed reporter who does not mince words replied by saying, "Bullshit Charlie! You would have to be a total stupid, ignorant, drug addicted, alcoholic, chicken shit, dumb ass not to regret passing up $1.8 million a week just for merely acting like the alcohol imbibing fool that you are in real life."

Sheen smiled and replied, "Dammit bitch, why don't you just effen tell me how you really feel?"

"I did you blithering tiger blood drinking SOB basket case." Ling Chow replied accent free.

Sheen then asked her if she had a question or if she just wanted to go ahead and get started washing his laundry.

Rangoon jumped up to her feet, she got in is face, and she told him that he was two seconds away from getting himself neutered.

Charlie jumped up and ran to the kitchen. Rangoon chased him and told him that she would let it go this time but that if he ever disrespected her again he would be starring in a new sit-com called The Transsexual Bitch Who Used To Be One of The Men on Two and A Half Men.

Sheen offered her a glass of Jose Cuervo as he giggled and said he was all out of Saki.

"Keep it up bitch" Ling Chow remarked. "You are starting to get on my last nerve mofo. I can see now why the two skanky, goddess ho's left your friggin sarcastic, arrogant, crybaby ass."

Charlie pointed out that he resented her calling him a crybaby. He informed her that he really hadn't cried in three years and that was only when his wife at the time, Brooke Mueller accidentally dropped a bowl of hot egg drop soup (no pun intended) on his lap as he sat naked on the living room floor watching reruns of The Brady Bunch.

Ling Chow got up to leave. She gave Charlie a fist bump and told him that she was proud of the fact that he can still take a punch. He grinned, thanked her, and asked her about the laundry as he jumped over the sofa and took off running full speed out the back door.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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