Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 13 August 2011

image for John Bishop And Match Of The Day - Local Man Complains Of Saturday Night TV Hell
Liverpool Have United In Their Sights - Tis A Shame They're A Bit Bog Eyed

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today sent a very strong email to the BBC, asking them what the hell they think they're playing at by putting simplistic Scouse "funny man" John Bishop on national telly, just before a bunch of Scouse has-beens on Match of The Day?

"What's that all about?" Shuttlecock lamented. "That fucking John Bishop has the delivery of a crippled postman. And then, to add insult to injury, the Beeb, based in Salford, mind. Based in friggin' Salford - they serve up Bishop and follow him up with Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson on MOTD. What is this shit?"

Do the BBC not get the message?

It seems that over three quarters of a million people have been hospitalised suffering from acute depression, following years of exposure to Arthur Askey, Cilla Black, Jimmy Tarbuck, George Roper, and loads of naturally witty Scouse twats. Like Ken Dodd, and that it's cost somewhere in the region of seventeen billion pounds to the NHS.

So now we get John Bishop followed by Alan Hansen on MOTD telling everybody what a class act he was in his playing days - his most adventurous move being to play a five yard pass square to another donkey.

"I don't get this at all," Shuttlecock complained.

In related news, Liverpool established their title winning credentials and justified their £50 million close season spending spree by scraping a draw with Sunderland.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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