Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Sunday, 2 October 2011

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What Jackie Saw In Dallas

Washington DC-- A new book about Jackie Kennedy is shedding an alien light on the mysterious former first lady. It turns out Jackie had only two interests in her life--flying saucers and Doctor Who. The intense obsession with both ruled her life from JFK's assassination in 1963 until her death in 1994.

Jackie Kennedy didn't have much interest in UFOs, until her husband was assassinated in 1963. She was actually looking at a UFO when the fatal bullet struck her husband on November 22, 1963. By a strange coincidence, the 'Doctor Who' program began the next day on November 23, 1963. Jackie thought this was "a sign from God" and she pursued both subjects with intense interest.

The former first lady was often seen wearing a tin-foil hat after her husband's tragic murder. Photographers airbrushed her photos to make it seem she was wearing a pillbox hat instead. Jackie said the tin-foil hat helped her "receive alien communications from the Sombrero Galaxy."

Jackie was very fond of the 'Doctor Who' program, and watched each episode made between 1963 and 1989 hundreds of times. She developed an intense sexual attraction for the first Dr. Who--William Hartnell. Jackie married Aristotle Onassis in 1968, apparently convinced that he was the first Dr. Who!

After Jackie died in 1994, she was buried in a Tardis-shaped coffin while wearing her favorite tin-foil hat.

The new book about Jackie is due out this Fall, with a foreward by her daughter Caroline. In the foreward, Caroline explains her mother became unbalanced after JFK was murdered, and that the audience should remember her with both sympathy and compassion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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