Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: New York, Bill Gates

Saturday, 17 December 2005

image for "Where on earth would planet Earth BE without Bill Gates" opens way off Broadway

NEW YORK - Scores if not dozens braved sub-freezing temperatures and blowing snow to attend the premier opening of the new off Broadway play, "WHERE ON EARTH WOULD PLANET EARTH BE WITHOUT BILL GATES" hailed by some if not many to be the greatest thing to almost hit Broadway since the upcoming "Peace Mom" scheduled to hit as soon as Mother Sheehan gives the go-ahead nod to Gwyneth Paltrow to play the leading role as Mother Sheehan. Paltrow speaking with reporters told reporters

"I'm honored that Peace Mom wants ME to play her but .. ewWWWW."

Where on earth would planet Earth BE without Bill Gates? According to the play probably tumbling, cascading, spinning wildly out of control CRASHING into the SUN where it would then trigger some weird type of sub-quantum Quasar type anti-matter sub-coronal nuclear++ cold fusion Picard/Q type quark-type renegade Di-Lithium crystal type BORG reaction that would literally cause the very core of the SUN itself to implode and destroy the known UNIVERSE is where we'd be if not for Bill Gates!

"Where on earth would planet Earth BE without Bill Gates" fast rewinds 39 years back to the days of penny-a-gallon gas, Ozzie and Harriet, cold war missiles a'flyin and of course slinkies.

"Slinky believe it or not gave me the idea to invent DOS", young Gates, played by Sal Peterson, says in the play going on to recollect for the audience ..

"I was 12 .. mom bought me this .. this .. piece of WIRE that .. somehow walked UP and down our stairs, even followed me to tuba practice and, well .. became my very best friend. Slinky. Years later computers of the world needed help. I thought of my childhood friend Slinky, next thing you know I invented DOS."

Unknown to many, not only did Bill Gates create Windows XP but also invented the Dewey Decimal system by which we count numbers, daylight savings time, pet rocks, Tang and those little short WHITE things that you twist around your loaf of Wonder Bread to keep it fresh.

One critic for the New York Times attending said,

"You laugh you cry you sing you dance you instinctively reach for your wallet .."

One play attendee described scene 13.082 version 2.701 of the play where young "Billy" Gates, in the playground, 1950's is being ridiculed by all the other "normal" kids. Finally young Billy Gates, tears in eyes, tossed, turned, fileted and fried, totally humiliated goes

"One day I'm going to invent WINDOWS XP and show you ALL!!!

After which 2 playground bullies pummel the living SNOT out of young Billy Gates for getting in the way of the dodge ball right when Joey Wilson was about to score.

Where on earth would planet Earth BE without Bill Gates?

a) Deep trouble

b) Deep Deep trouble

c) My mind cannot possibly fathom that possibility

you decide ..

This review brought to you by Microsoft, all rights reserved and then some. Please check where it says check, grovel where it says grovel and make all money orders, wire-transfers, e-payments and/or Paypal transactions payable to ..


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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