Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 August 2011

image for LeAnn Rimes Has Gotten So Damn Skinny Her Husband Can Use Her As A Swizzle Stick To Stir His Drinks
A cup of Diet Pepsi with a drinking straw that looks a little bit like LeAnn Rimes.

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Okay, when country singer LeAnn Rimes was weighing 78 that was thin, but now that she has gotten down to 63, that is just downright skinny as hell.

And it appears that Rimes definitely has all of the earmarks of being anorexic. One sure-fire tip off, is when your husband or boyfriend starts using you as a swizzle stick to stir his drinks.

Another is when you can cut out the bottom of a sock and use the sock as a tube top.

According to one of the nations leading experts on anorexia nervosa, Dr. Rothmund F. Hibidifaust, III, of St. Spud College in Boise, Idaho, LeAnn looks in the mirror and sees a big old fat slob.

She sees herself reflected in the mirror as looking like Kirstie Alley did before she appeared on Dancing With The Stars when she weighed 409 pounds.

Now when the show ended Kirstie had managed to get down to 236 pounds or a loss of 173 pounds.

According to one of LeAnn's fellow country singers Gretchen Wilson, LeAnn is so afraid of looking like a female John Goodman that she subsides on a diet of three Rice Krispies for breakfast, four kernels of fully cooked corn for lunch, and half a cashew for dinner.

She also runs 17 miles a day, does 900 sit ups, and has put yellow crime scene tape all around her kitchen.

Recent photos taken of LeAnn while she was vacationing with her husband, coattail rider Eddie Cibrian down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico showed her wearing a bikini swimsuit that was so small that it looked like it had come off of a toy Barbie Doll.

LeAnn has lost so much weight that she will probably have to go in to have her Adams Apple reduced since due to all of her tremendous weight loss it is now just about as big as her hips.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: When LeAnn's husband was asked if he was at all concerned with his wife's tremendous weight loss he smiled, took a sip of his bottle of Corona Light, and replied, "Hey as long as it doesn't affect her singing voice I couldn't really give a rat's ass.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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