Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 5 August 2011

image for Jerry Lewis Loses It - Calls American Idol Contestants 'Fast Food Rejects'
Jerry Lewis shown without his toupee on his way to the park to yell at the pigeons.

LOS ANGELES - The former comedian known as Jerry Lewis is starting to show definite signs of stress.

Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis reported that it is sad to say but the 85-year-old Lewis seems to have gotten to that point in time where bitterness has set in and he is now finding fault in pretty much everything.

Miss Dakota added that it is really such a shame because Lewis has done a lot of good for so many needy children and why he has to take his once class act and toss it into the street and now get down and wallow in the gutter is nothing short of a total mystery.

Last week Lewis remarked that the Smurfs are a disgrace to cartoons because they don't look like your average, normal cartoon characters who either have feathers, big ears, long tails, or speak in weird voices.

Two weeks ago he told Jay Leno that Santa Claus has gotten so fat that he really needs to concentrate on losing about 150 pounds and forget all about this bringing toys to kids just because they were nice bullcorn.

And now this week the man who teamed up with Dean Martin to form one of the greatest singing/comedy duo acts in history, Martin & Lewis has taken a very, very cheap shot at the wonderful, wholesome, all-American kids next door, the young contestants who appear on the singing reality show American Idol.

Jerry said that the American Idol participants are all nothing more than fast food rejects. Well even someone trying as hard as he or she can, it is hard to visualize extremely successful American Idol alumni such as Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson, and Adam Lambert as fast food failures.

Now if we're talking about Sanjaya Malakar, Tatiana Del Toro, or Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais then yes, but certainly none of the above named AI alumni fit the FF bill.

When Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest, American Idol host was asked to comment on Jerry's remark. Ryan shook his head and replied that poor Jerry is having a hell of time now that no one wants him anymore.

Seacrest said that if Lewis is full of rancor because he cannot get a gig that he will gladly hire him to trim the hedges at his Hollywood Hills mansion Casa American Idol.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson asked, "Jerry Lewis, who the hell is Jerry Lewis? Was he that kid that came out on Leave It To Beaver?

Steven "Lips" Tyler quipped "Poor, angry, sarcastic, arrogant, self-centered Jerry Lewis, I guess it must be hell to have to have someone cut up your jello for you."

"Lips" went on to say that Lewis is nothing but a vitriolic old washed up son-of-a-bitch who needs to go off into the deep woods, take off all of his clothes, and mingle with the squirrels, woodchucks, and grizzly bears."

And the soon-to-be-divorced Jennifer Lopez, who is still upset at her control freak of a husband replied, "Jerry Lewis ain't nothing but an old has-been who truth be told has been a has-been for over 40 years. Just ignore the punk and treat him like we do jerks like Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Naomi Campbell...just simply ignore their crybaby asses!

And speaking of crybabies. Weeper of the House John Boehner has stated that there is no truth to the rumor that Joan Rivers will be portraying him in a Lions Face Films motion picture based on his life.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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