Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 5 August 2011

image for Madonna And Hugh Hefner Agree To Not Get Nekid Together
Bat Wings

Turn out the lights. The party is over. Aging gracefully in their own rights; Hefner, who reportedly is such a short-hitter that he doesn't even bother to disrobe while having sex, and Madonna, who some claim by using her bat-wings, can flutter around her bedroom like a hummingbird, have mutually agreed to a one night stand, or 10 seconds of bliss, whichever comes first.

Now it is hardly news that Hugh Hefner would have hung it up years ago but for the miracle of Viagra. It is also not news that Madonna, but for the miracle of petroleum jelly, would have become so brittle that only a rutting water buffalo would have attempted to have sex with her once she went through menopause.

Both claim to have hosed and blosed so many times that the record of Wilt Chamberlain, the "Big Dipper", is in jeopardy. Wilt, who modestly claimed to have screwed 20,000 different sperm receptacles between basketball games, died some years ago with a smile on his face; gone to the grave with a record he thought would never be surpassed. Just like the home-run record prior to steroids, Wilt will know that he did it his way; using his unadulterated libido to snake and bake.

Now in the twilight of their sexual careers, Madonna and Hugh have agreed to have a joint jolting rendevouz at Hugh's mansion this next Halloween. Much has been written about this celebrity driven Bacchanalian orgy, where preverts and voyeurs meet on common ground.

This year it will be different. Instead of voluptuously nubile young starlets provocatively dog paddling around the grotto using their boob floatation gear to stay afloat, Madonna and Hugh will go mano y mana on a giant waterbed, but with their clothes on so as not to offend the purists; both ending their careers like the aging gladiators they are.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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