Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for "Bachelorette" Ali Fedotowsky's Fiancé Roberto Martinez Calls Off Their Wedding
The church where Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez were supposed to have gotten married. (Photo courtesy of Rick Chorizo).

SAN DIEGO - Roberto Martinez wants it known that the reason why he and his fiancée Ali Fedotowsky did not get married in July as they were supposed to do was his decision and not hers.

The former baseball player and native of South Carolina told Gazebo Serengeti of Bedroom Pillow Talk that he did not like the fact that most people just assumed that Ali had called off the wedding.

Bobby, as Ali calls him in the privacy of their bedroom, stated that the comments, remarks, talk, gossip, suggestions, and tete-a-tete were all nothing but unfounded rumors and unsubstantiated innuendo.

He said that two supermarket tabloids Say What and Just Saying even had photos of Ali waving a finger in his face with the caption under the photo which read: The Bachelorette tells her fiance that there won't be any wedding bells ringing after all.

Martinez said that he was really upset when his maternal grandmother Paloma Pescadero, 89, called him up from Tampa, Florida and asked him why he would allow a woman to wave her finger so disrespectfully in his face.

Roberto told his grandmother that Ali was not waving her finger disrespectfully at him and that she was merely showing him the color of her nail polish and asking him if he liked it or not.

Serengeti asked Martinez why he had called off the wedding. He said that Ali is a sports nut who loves to play tennis, handball, kickboxing, tae kwon do, ju-jitsu, and kayaking.

He said that back in June she had hurt herself during a kickboxing exhibition up in Petaluma. Martinez said that Ali broke her femur, sprained her tibia, contorted her clavicle, fractured her uvula, and badly bruised her belly button.

He pointed out to her that he was going to postpone the wedding because he did not want for her to have to go down the church aisle on crutches, using a walker, or in a wheelchair.

Ali cried and told him that she did not care if she had to go up to the altar on a stretcher because she loved him unconditionally.

Roberto reminded her that it was not about unconditional love and told her that people would be taking photos and he did not want for everyone to see his new bride looking all battered up like her husband had hit her because she had smarted off to him or something.

A friendly reminder. August 6 is National Gossip Day or as it is known in the Hollywood Hills...Psst-Psst Day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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